Amare la vita
by TheTabbieCat
Summary: Edward left & I'm forced to find a way to cope with the void that remained in his place.Now I'm part of the Volturi & somehow I've got my caught between Caius and Alec.I'd say having Felix there to help will make everything okay but he can't help me avoid a man always gets what he wants. At the very least he'll make my struggle funny.I never expected people to surprise me this much
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Vampire

He was gone. He was gone and he'd left a dark hole in my chest where my heart had once been. I would never love again i knew that for sure, I also knew I couldn't stay in this stupid little town anymore. It was filled with reminders. Reminders of them. Those leeches who stole my heart. It was funny how in a matter of hours my whole world had been distroyed. I now found myself having a new respect for the people i once thought were truely evil. The Volturi. They lived without morals or love and yet they still found a way to live, a way to get through each day without wanting to do whatever it took to distroy themselves. I knew what I needed in my life now and that was the order and reliability the Volturi had. I couldn't have love, he'd taken that from me. I couldn't have friendship, Alice had taken that with her. But i could keep hatred, If Rosalie ever taught me anything it was to hate who ever had what you didn't and that's how I would live now. My hatred for him had spurred the moment he ripped away my heart and soul leaving me with only one way out.

A lone tear escaped my eye, I let it find its way down my face as I packed my things. I didn't know wheather they would accept my request. My request to become a vampire but at least i knew if they didn't, I wouldn't have to live a pathetic life of suffering. I would die. Maybe, just maybe, I was condeming my soul to an afterlife of hell or maybe even an afterlife of nothingness but if I became a vampire, I didnt plan on dying. I didn't see no reason to worry. Even an eternity of nothingness would be better than having to live with a constant reminder that i wasn't good enough and not just for him but not for a single member of his family. I hadn't even got a goodbye. Not even from the person who was meant to be my best friend.

I zipped up the bag and took a last look around the room, the pictures I had drawn still hung on the walls, the picture of me and Jacob sat happily above the ancient and decrepid computer. I sighed, looking down at the aging carpet, even if Jacob had given up on our friendship the moment i had started dating him, Jacob had always felt like my bestfriend. More than Alice ever had or ever would have been. I shut the feelings I had for Jacob out, when i was a vampire it would be easier to block these things out, I would be able to distract myself with a whole new world hidden inside the world I lived in now. I smiled, this was what I wanted, a life without pain and constant reminders. Even if I had to give up my personal sun. Even if my farther never forgave me, I was leaving and no matter what happened. I had no intention of ever coming back. I let the numbing feeling of blocking out my emotions take over and walked downstaires.

I glanced to my right when I reached the bottom of the stairs. I heard the soft grunts of Charlie's snoring from the couch. I let myself feel the last wave of warmth from the childhood memories and happiness I had once reveled in. I was giving that up now. I smiled letting my eyes wonder over Charlie's sleeping form. He never was what someone would describe as the typical father but that's why it worked. I wasn't the typical daughter. I turned facing the bright yellow cupboards in the kitchen, I looked over the small piece of paper I had stuck to the cupboard. I nodded, there nothing more I could say. It said everything I would never be able to say in person. I wasn't a person of many words and I felt that the eight words written on the note said everything that needed to be said. These words would be what he remembered me by. _I will always love you, Sorry - Your bella. _To him I would always be his Bella. He would think I'd ran away, comitted suicide maybe. It wasn't that far from the truth, either way I was ending this life in the hopes I could gain another one in return.

As I stepped outside and climbed into the rusty truck, the emotionless mask fell back upon my face. I drove to the airport, the ride was quiet and if I hadn't been so set on what I was doing I would have found it un settling. Out of habit I glanced across at the empty seat next to me. Holding up my emotionless fascade, I ignored the pange of pain in my chest where my heart should be.

I parked the Chevy, leaving the keys in the ignition, I hopped out and patted the side in farewell. I'd miss my truck, saying goodbye to my truck had been that hardest thing so far. I shook my head, that wasn't right. I walked off, carrying my bag into the small airport, I checked in and walked through to the waiting area. There was a delay, typical. I sighed, I didn't need this. I'd pre booked my tickets, by phone, so there would be less chance of Charlie catching up with me.

An hour later I eventually boarded the plane and surprisingly enough the fifteen hour long flight flew by. I was the first off the plane, I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of my new home. Italy. This would all smell and look differently when I was changed. A whole new world, I repeated to myself. I hailed a Taxi.

"I need to get to Volterra." I stated, climbing in the back. The driver nodded, looking me over, he pulled off his sunglasses, his eyes were a bright green. I suddenly felt as if an arrow had been driven through my heart, my fascade had slipped. I cringed pulling back up my walls. This would be easier soon, I could forget this life. I starred out the window, trees flew by and cars whushed past as we drove to Voleterra. Eventually we arrived, we arrived at the start of my new life. I felt like the heroine of an adventure story. A dark Romance gone terribly wrong, my life would never again be described as anything like romantic.

I paid the green eyed driver, climbed out the taxi and started to walk through the village leading up to the castle. I stopped when I saw a small girl sitting alone on the floor, she had chocolate brown hair and green eyes with flecks of brown around the rims of the iris. I gulped, It'll be easier. I'll be easier, I reminded myself once again. That was one of the reasons I was doing this, I needed it to be easier or for this life to be ended. I started walking along again this time not bothering to look at who I was passing, I wasn't drawing any attention, so no one had any reason to look at me.

I found my way to the gates of the castle. I saw the guard, standing amungst the shadows. These were the guards that wanted to be seen, I knew there were more hidden away from human view. I took a deep breath, my emotionless mask couldn't fall now, I needed it. I stepped through the gate, extremely aware of how easily it would be for one of the guards to kill me instantly. Even though I was aware of this it did not scare me, I stepped inside the castles main doors and greeted the receptionist.

"I need the see the Volturi kings." I stated, the receptionist looked up at me with hazel eyes. She was human, I hadn't expected this and it took me by surprised.

"They're busy, do you have an appointment?" She asked, I shook my head. "Then you'll have to wait, they're having their lunch." She said, a smirk crossing her face as if she thought she wouldn't make it onto the menu and I would. I smirked.

"I'll wait then." I stated sitting down. I watched as the receptionist sat filling paperwork and typing things on the computer. What paperwork needed doing in a castle that vampires lived in? It wasn't like this was a buisness? They didn't pay taxes did they? The phone rang then pulling me out of my thoughts.

"A woman is here to see the kings," She said, writing something down on her notepad. "No, she doesn't have an apointment." She continued, writing smoething else down. "Her name? I- I don't know." She stammered, then placed a hand over the mouth piece of the phone. "Name?" She repeated, looking at me.

"Isabella Swan, tell them I know the cullens." I said. It was the only thing i could think of to make sure they saw me. When I mentioned the Cullens, the receptionists eyes lit up and she bit her lip. I would have killed to know what was going through her mind at that moment.

"She says her name is Isabella, Isabella Swan-" She said stopping as she was obviously cut off by the person at the other end. She started scribbling on her notepad again. "She knows the Cullens." She said, glancing at me. "Yes, Umm Hmm... Okay... Yes. GoodBye." She said, placing down the phone and continuing to write. Her eyes flicked up to me, momentarily. "Head down the hall, take the first right and it's the second set of double doors. Have fun." She smirked.

I shook my head, heading down the seemingly endless hall. She thought I was their dessert but if my plan succeeded, I planned on having her for dessert. Something about her rubbed me the wrong way and something told me, I'd enjoy her as my first meal. I laughed to myself slightly. To anyone else I would have seemed insane, maybe I was but I wasn't suffering and that's what mattered. I turned right and saw the double doors ahead of me, I paused before them. I took a breathe.

"Enter, Isabella Darling." I heard a soft voice call, this was the call of one of the most deadly vampires in existance, it was the call of a vampire I hoped to serve soon. I pushed open the double doors making my entrance seem somewhat dramatic, as I walked with confidence into the middle of the room. I looked up at the kings sitting on their thrones and the guards lined beside and behind them. I stood tall, they would change me, if they didn't give me my other option. Death.

"What is it you want from us Isabella?" The fair haired king asked, I new from the stories that this was Caius.

"I want to become a vampire."

**Authors note: So what do you think? Love it? hate it? Just tell me? And I know alot of stories start this way but trust me this isn't going to end the same. Review please!**

Never to suffer would never to have been blessed.

Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849)


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"What is it you want from us Isabella?" The fair haired king asked, I knew from the stories that this was Caius.

"I want to become a vampire." I stated and the vampire sitting to the right of Caius stood up and clasped his hands together happily. This was Aro, one touch and he'd know my every memory, my every thought.

"Isabella, child why do you wish to join us?" He asked stepping forward toward me. I choose my words carefully.

"I feel that I need to be here." I said simply, as Aro closed the distance between us and held out his cold, pale, pasty white hand toward me. I placed my hand into his and his smile managed to grow. His smiled was intense, infectious almost. I glanced at the guard, many were watching curious while some smirked and others watched me with a hungry expression. Aro dropped my hand and walked back to sit on his deep red mahogany throne.

"I had heard very little about you before now Isabella, I know that Edward could not read your thoughts and yet young Alice could still see your future. I am also unable to see into your mind would you mind if we tested Jane's power on you?" he requested, I nodded in response.

"Of course, Aro." I said, formally. A young girl, with short blonde hair cut into a bob stepped forward, past the thrones so she was only mere meters away from me.  
>"This'll only hurt for a second." She smirked, her eyes lighting up to an even brighter red, the color of her eyes making it obvious she had just fed unlike certain member of the guard who were still watching me, licking their lips. I watched Jane as suddenly her hands clenched into fists and the expression on her face turned into one of pure aggression. I had the urge to flinch away but I kept still, looking into her eyes until I heard clapping from behind her.<p>

"My child, it seems you have an amazing gift indeed." Aro stated, his smile widening once again making me wonder if becoming a vampire made it possible to create infinitely wide smiles or if this was just Aro. Aro turned to the third king who I believed to be Marcus then who had been watching the exchange carefully. "What do you think brother? Will she make strong bonds here?" He asked, the dark haired vampire nodded silently.

"Many bonds, brother. Her bonds will be strong here, some stronger than the guard we already have." Marcus said, Aro's eyes drifted over each member of the guard.

"How much stronger?" He questioned.

"I am unsure, but I do know that she would be more than capable of filling in for our recent loss of Rebekka." Marcus replied.

"Rebekka was a great loss, not many guard members are as talented as she was." Caius commented. "It will be hard to replace her." He continued, I listened to the discussion taking in every detail of what they were saying. A small smile crept upon my face, it sounded as if they were considering turning me and if they thought I could replace one of their guard, they would be tempted to change me right? Aro stepped toward me once again.

"Isabella, we have one question for you before we make our final choice. You said you knew the Cullen's, what exactly was your relationship with them?" Aro asked, I sank back into my emotionless mask, the smile disappearing from my face. Aro noticed this and his smiled shrunk slightly.

"I believed I was part of their family, until one day they got bored and left me in the middle of the forest, A local man found me, if he hadn't I would have been dead." I stated. "I am nothing to them." Aro crossed his arms, he looked amused.

"You loved Edward, yes?" He inquired, I simply nodded. "And you still do." He said it was a statement, not a question.

"I am unsure." I stated, starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Isabella, you will more than fit in here and I am willing to have you turned rather than kill you and waste your gifts, do you have any requests?" Aro asked, to which I shook my head.

"I only ask that you train me to fight and let me become a member of the guard." I explained, Marcus stood up and walked over to Aro, he touched his hand lightly then pulled it back, and Marcus's eyes never left mine. His glace wasn't intense like Aro's; it was gentle, kind even. Aro nodded and Marcus returned to his throne.

"Felix will turn you, enjoy eternity my child." Aro said returning to his throne, watching as a tall, dark haired male walked toward me. His hair was short and spikey slightly, it was a modern hair style and not what I had expected at all, considering the three kings had long hair without dated hairstyles.

"Follow me." Felix said, walking out the double doors, I quickly hurried after him. This was my chance to block out the pain forever, my chance to start new, my chance to forget everything and I intended to make the most of it.

Eventually we arrived at a small room. The room was painted cream and the walls were lined with tanned, wooden book cases that were over flowing with books, magazines and leaflets. There was a long red sofa sat in the middle of the room, as I walked over to it I could tell it was ancient, I gently laid down on it. An image of me lying on a shrinks couch flashed into my mind, a chuckled to myself momentarily. I looked up to see Felix watching me intently.

"Care to share what's funny?" He asked me, sitting on the end of the sofa. I shrugged.

"It's just this looks like a shrinks couch." I said, and he smiled.

"Simple things please simple minds." He laughed; he seemed like just another normal guy. I guess that was good, I'd be with these people for the rest of eternity. He smiled at me and moved my hair off my neck. He frowned as he leaned closer as if he didn't want to hurt me, as if it pained him. I moved quickly.

"I have one question." I said as he watched me carefully.

"And that is?"

"Do you still feel pain?" I questioned, he shook his head. "We do not feel physical pain, no. Unless we are burned, of course. Can we continue?" Felix asked, _I_ nodded. He leaned in, dramatically, slowly, he must have expected me to be scared and try to fight him off because he places his hands on my arms ready to restrain me. I felt his teeth sink into my skin then, I cringed, it wasn't that bad. Then I felt the venom, infecting and spreading through my body. I cried out in pain, I couldn't contain it, I thrashed out at Felix but he was already restraining me. I felt the pain in my chest amplify. It was as if they had amplifed my emotions of heartbreak, loss, fear and sent them in electrifying currents through my body, every now and then it would be stepped up a voltage and I would strike out in agony. I slowly lost awareness of my surrounding and felt myself become consumed by the pain. The last thing I remember is Felix's laugh as I thrashed out and tried to kick him, then the flames took over all my feeling and senses. I felt no love, no fear, no pity, no heartbreak just pain, just pure death like, agony. Yet, this was better than facing the mess Edward had turned me into.

**Authors note: What did you think of Chapter 2? Did you like it? Review please? **

_Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome._

_Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I felt no love, no fear, no pity, no heartbreak just pain, just pure death like, agony. Yet, this was better than facing the mess Edward had turned me into.

As the burning sensations disappeared, I became aware of another presence in the room, I shot up from the bed, meeting their glaze, I moved back slightly. I had no clue who this was; I presumed it was one of the guard.

"Get dressed." The male vampire ordered an authoritive tone rang in his voice. I looked down at myself I was wearing the same thing I had been when I was turned, why did I need to change? "Hurry up." He growled annoyed, my frustration spiked and I smashed him into a wall.

"Stop ordering me around!" I hissed and I saw a flash of fear in his blood red eyes. Part of me, hidden deep inside began to worry then, if he could feel fear he could feel pain too right? I'd chosen this life to get away from those feelings. Suddenly I was thrown to the floor.

"Put something decent on now." He growled, standing over me. "Before I dress you myself." He sneered. I growled what a jack-ass. I stood up and glanced over at the mirror opposite me, I was pale, deathly pale and beautiful. I had long locks of chocolate brown hair that curved perfectly around my now seemly stunning face. My eyes were a deep crimson red from the human blood still in my system, I sighed. I would be a killer now; this was what I had chosen. I managed to take all of this information in, in a matter of milliseconds before I appeared in front of a wardrobe. It only accured to me then that I wasn't in the same room as before. I took in a full view of the room and nodded to myself. Defiantly not the same room, this room had pale green walls and a dark green four poster bed in the center.

"Where am I?" I asked while going through my clothing options. There were lots of corsets and items of clothing that didn't leave a lot if anything to the imagination. I groaned.

"Volterra." The vampire finally answered.

"Who are you?" I questioned, pulling out a small, low cut, black, skin tight t-shirt, it was the least revealing thing in the whole wardrobe, I grabbed a pair of dark green skinnies and started to get changed. "Are you going to look away or what?" I hissed, the vampire chuckled, looking away.

"I am Afton." He said, simply answering my question. I pulled on the outfit within a matter of seconds and examined myself in the mirror. This wasn't my preferred choice of clothing, green skinny Jeans and a plain black, skin tight top but it was the best option there. I looked around and saw a pair of black converse and smiled. I loved converse, they looked good and they were really comfy. I pulled on the converse and turned to Afton.

"You done with your hissy fit now?" I demanded, he laughed at me and within an instant he was holding me up against a wall.

"Not quite yet," He said, so quietly if I had been human I wouldn't have been able to hear him, a shiver ran down my spine.

"Aro wants to speak to you." A female voice chirped from the doorway, I looked around Afton and pushed him off me. Jane was standing in the doorway. Afton nodded and walked out the room.

"It's Alec's turn to baby sit." Afton muttered, rushing past Jane at a un human speed. Jane smashed him into the door way causing the frame of the door to bend.

"You listen, and you listen good. Me and Alec don't do the stupid babysitting duties," She hissed, she turned her icy glare on me next. "Stay here; if you leave I'll kill you." She smiled. I shook my head.

"Where exactly do you think I'll go?" I asked, annoyed, I'd choose this, I didn't want to run away. Jane smirked leaving the room with Afton.

I laid back down on the bed, I didn't feel different, well, except for the rage I kept feeling. It was like everything was amplified, especially my anger. I'd never attacked someone before and I'd pinned Afton to the wall! That wasn't like me, not at all.

I wonder what Charlie was doing... I suddenly felt a huge pang in my chest, he'd think I was dead, a painful sadness ran through me as I thought of my farther. I sighed, I guess even pain was amplified. WAIT? Pain being amplified cannot be good! I started to panic again and began pacing the room. How would I feel thinking about Ed-... I fell to my knees screaming in pain. I clutched at my chest attempting to tear out my own heart.

I felt a pair of arms pull me up and restrain me, I snarled at them, sobbing without tears.

"Let me go!" I hissed.

"Calm down." He said gently, I continued to thrash around and attempted to bite the person restraining me. He threw me across the room and I flew into the wall. "I don't have to deal with this shit!" He growled, staring at me. I watched him, what was he doing? He continued to stare at me. I took in his looks then, his eyes were blood red like all the other vampires here but yet they seemed to shine, his hair was so dark brown to the human eye it would seem black. He was small, he was only my height but he held an aura of power and I knew from the way he threw me he was strong.

"What are you doing?" I asked, having calmed down, I got up and brushed myself down. I couldn't be angry at him when I had tried to bite him first. He shook his head.

"I doesn't matter." He replied, walking toward the door, clearly annoyed.

"I'm sorry!" I called after him, I didn't want to make an enemy of everyone here on my first day, I hadn't even left the room yet. He turned to face me with a look of confusion across his beautiful face. "For trying to bite you..." I trailed off.

"Oh," He said, shifting on his feet. "I'm sorry for throwing you?" He said, unsure. It was as if he hadn't heard an apology before. I smiled at him.

"It's okay." I said, "I'm Bella." He nodded.

"Nice to meet you Isabella." He said, we were standing opposite each other now and he was staring at me again. Everything went silent for a couple of minutes, my stomach started to churn, it made me nervous.

"In most social situations people tell you there name around now..." I said.

"Alec, my names Alec." He said, quietly. Did he act like this all the time? "Are you thirsty?" He asked me. I shook my head.

"No, should I be?" I inquired.

"Yes, well usually newborns are." Alec responded.

"What am I meant to be doing in here anyways?" I asked him.

"You were meant to feed then, I was meant to take you to the kings." Alec said. "But if you're not thirsty we shall go now." He turned and walked out the door, I followed him as he moved at human pace around the castle.

"Why are we going at a human speed?" I asked, he shrugged in response.

"Out of habit really." Alec replied, before disappearing down the hall, I quickened my pace following him. We appeared outside the doors of the throne room, I took a deep breath and as I knocked on the door I noticed Alec watching me.

"What are you looking at?" I asked curious, did I have something on my face? Felix opened the door then and took my hand; he led me into the middle of the room. I glanced back and saw Alec had followed and was now standing beside me.

"Isabella, I have heard you haven't fed." Aro said, walking toward me.

"I don't feel thirsty." I said, honestly. Aro nodded and took my left hand as Felix still held my right hand.

"Amazing, you still have your shield." Aro smiled, "Do you think you would be able to take it down?" He asked, I was shocked. I didn't think my shield was intentional, how would I take it down?

"I don't know how..." I said, trailing off. Aro stopped smiling and his expression turned icy.

"Child, try. I want you to try." He said annoyed, as if what he was asking of me was simple. I closed my eyes trying to concentrate on letting Aro in on my thoughts, not all of them in case it actually worked. I tried to let him see what had happened since I had been changed, I imagined my mind opening itself to him. I opened my eyes when Aro pulled away. "You choose to only show me your memories of today." He growled. I looked around the room for help, what did I do? What should I say?

"I- I didn't." I protested, Aro glared at me.

"You dare to lie to me!" He hissed angrily, his eyes had turned black. I wanted this life, I reminded myself, these people saw no compassion what did I expect?

"Aro, calm down. Be careful." Caius said I looked over at him; he wasn't wearing his normal, bored expression. He seemed on edge, he seemed worried. Why would Aro need to be careful?

"Caius is right, Aro, we cannot expect Isabella to perform such tasks straight away." Marcus said. Aro walked back and sat on his throne, he scowled. He looked like a moody child.

"Felix we need you to show Isabella around the castle, Alec we have a task for you and Heidi in England for a few days, there was more trouble with covens there." Caius said. "Jane, go shopping for the young Isabella, she will need a clock, a red one." Caius smiled then, glancing at me, I shivered.

Jane stepped out of the shadows then, she wore an unhappy frown on her face.

"A red one?" She repeated.

"You heard me, Jane. She will need a volturi crest too, how would you like to wear it?" Caius said, turning to face me again.

"Wear what?" I asked, confused. Aro shook his head, as if whatever I did now annoyed him.

"A crest, to show you are part of the volturi." Caius said.

"I don't mind." I answered, looking away from Caius's watchful eyes. I could still feel his eyes watching me as he spoke to Jane.

"A necklace, silver, three rubies." Caius said, I looked at Felix who was still holding my hand. He had his crest on a ring; it had one sapphire on it. I heard Marcus chuckle from the other side of the throne room.

"Now that's settled, everyone may leave. Isabella any questions you should have, please just ask Felix." Marcus said the door to the throne room opened and the vampires that had been standing in the shadows all left.

"Goodbye, Isabella." Alec said, he took my hand and kissed it before disappearing.

Felix walked out the room, pulling me along by my hand.

"Why do you have a sapphire on your crest?" I asked Felix. He smiled at me, as if he had been expecting me to ask him.

"In the Volturi there is a higher arky, at the bottom we have help, vampires who clean after we feed, who run errands, they only have a volturi crest." Felix started, while walking down the hall. "Then we have backup guard, if there was ever to be an attack on the volturi we have a guard of un gifted vampires, who watch the gates." Felix continued. "They have emeralds, the more emeralds they have the higher up they are in rank. Then we have lower guard, they are guard who travel around and sometimes have abilities, they make sure order is kept in all the countries. They have onyx and the more they have the higher their rank." Felix turned to me. "Do you get it so far?" He asked, I nodded.

"Pretty easy, the help don't get jewels, the backup guard have emeralds and the lower guard have onyx. The more a vampire has of their jewel the higher their rank." I said. Felix nodded.

"Correct, then we have the spies, of course they don't carry the volturi crest so they all wear four jewels, one diamond, one sapphire, one emerald and one topaz. For the spies the bigger the jewel the higher their rank. Then we have the main guard, we have sapphires and the more we have the higher our rank." Felix smiled.

"So you have one sapphire so your part of main guard?" I said, Felix nodded before continuing.

"Then there are the king's wives and a select few members of the guard, they are obviously very well-known so they do not have to wear a jewel but most choose to wear rubies." Felix explained. "I have never ever seen Caius give a woman other than his wife a ruby, there are only three of these select guard members, Alec, Demetri and Jane. Caius doesn't think Jane should be in the select few though." He commented. "The kings of course are at the top of the higher arky and do not wear any particular jewels." Felix finished. "Did you catch all of that?" He asked, I nodded still shocked from what he had said before.

Rubies where for the kings wives and selected guard members? I didn't have any special gift; my shield wasn't even that powerful!

"It is a shame Caius's wife was murdered," I heard Felix say, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I said, shocked.

"Caius's wife was murdered, Caius was furious and avenged her with his own hands but as all the kings do if their wife is killed, he has moved on." Felix said. "Marcus was very amused when he decided you would have rubies, it seems either Caius thinks you have great abilities or he wishes to make you his wife."

**Authors note: Hey everyone! What did you think of this chapter? It's a little longer than the other two! I love to hear what you think**

_The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character._

_Isabelle Eberhardt_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Caius's wife was murdered, Caius was furious and avenged her with his own hands but as all the kings do if their wife is killed, he has moved on." Felix said. "Marcus was very amused when he decided you would have rubies, it seems either Caius thinks you have great abilities or he wishes to make you his wife."

"Maybe he made a mistake." I said, there was no way Caius would want me as his wife and I didn't have any special power.

"Caius doesn't make many mistakes." Felix replied.

"Well, he's just made one, I don't have any special powers and if he did want me like that he's an idiot." I growled, annoyed. He laughed at me. "What's so funny?" I demanded.

"It's got something to do with the fact that he's behind us." I froze, he was lying, he had to be lying. I spun around to face Caius slowly, this could not end well. I stood silently, unsure of what to say.

"So you think I'm an idiot Isabella?" Caius said, with an amused look on his face.

"No! No, I - um... Well, we were talking and I was speaking hypothetically! I didn't mean to say you were an idiot!" I rambled as Felix stood next to me trying his best not to laugh. Caius nodded.

"Meet me in my room." Caius said, before disappearing, as soon as he was gone Felix fell to the floor laughing.

"Your face!" He gasped, I kicked him.

"Get up." I grumbled, if I had been human I would have been bright red by now. Felix stood up and continued to laugh at me. "Oh, shut up." I groaned.

"Awhh, is little Isabella all embarrassed?" He teased, I rolled my eyes.

"What are you five?" I demanded, he laughed again.

"Do I look five?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.

"You're annoying." I replied, shaking my head. "Now which way is his room?" I questioned.

"Go back to your room, then follow the hall and go upstairs. His room is up there." Felix smiled. "I told you he liked you." He commented.

"You sound like such a girl! And he doesn't like me!" I grumbled.

"Sure, he doesn't, you have fun in his room." Felix smirked. "I hear his bed is meant to be quite comfy." He laughed.

"I swear you're gay." I muttered. "I bet you know how comfy it is!" Felix laughed.

"Just go find out." He replied, pushing me along, I turned around smacking him round the back of the head. I started walking toward Caius's room, shaking my head.

"I swear, I'll get you later, Felix!" I yelled back to him. I smiled to myself; I think I could safely say that Felix was my friend, even if he could be damned annoying.

Eventually, I reached the bottom of the stairs that led to Caius's room, I took a deep breath and headed up them, I moved at a human pace. I was nervous, not because of anything that Felix had said, it was because I'd called him an idiot and I knew the volturi punished their guard if they did not conform to the rules. I was pretty sure insulting one of the kings was not in the rules. I stopped at the door and knocked lightly, maybe he wasn't there and I wouldn't have to talk to him.

"Come in." Caius called. I opened the door and stepped inside closing the door behind me.

Caius was sitting at a large desk that was placed to my left, the desk was a pale color close to the color of the cream walls, I glanced around. There was a bed in the far corner, the covers were creased as if someone had actually slept in it recently, the right side of the room was lined with shelves. The shelves were filled and overflowing with books, journals and what looked like old video tapes. A small crossed my face as I imagined Caius sitting watching TV or doing something modern, he just seemed so old fashioned to me.

I knew he was watching me as I looked around his room, rooted to my spot by the door; I wanted to be able to make a swift exit as quickly as possible. Caius gestured to the chair next to his desk.

"Come, Sit down, Isabella." He said, smiling at me. I resisted the urge to shiver, there was something about Caius that worried me, I didn't know what it was. I walked over to Caius and sat down, silently.

"Why did you want to become one of us?" Caius asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked, did he mean part of the volturi or a vampire?

"Why did you want to join the volturi?" He said, I sighed.

"I needed somewhere to go." I replied, it was true I suppose. I couldn't have stayed in forks.

"You could have gone to live with your mother." He pointed out, I shook my head.

"She travels a lot." I stated hoping this would be a good enough excuse.

"So you didn't join us because Edward left you?" Caius inquired, the mention of his name caused a stirring of emotion inside me and within seconds the pain from earlier re-appeared, I clutched my chest and groaned in pain. Caius watched me for a moment before realizing that the pain wasn't going to stop, he held a look of confusion on his face. I hissed in agony as I felt the pain inside my chest amplify. Caius placed a hand on my arm.

"Calm down." He said, gently. I shook my head violently, mentally begging for the pain to stop. I couldn't take it. "Isabella. Concentrate on something else." He ordered, I tried to stop thinking about the pain, about him but I couldn't do it. I was in so much pain.

"I-I can't!" I gasped, having fallen off my chair now, I writhed in agony on the floor, clutching at my chest, I started to claw at my own skin. Caius pulled me up restraining me, I attempted to get him off in a blind rage caused by the pain but he was too strong.

Finally, my breathing slowed, the pain subsided and I calmed down. Caius let me go and I fell back into the chair, I looked up at Caius watching me with an unreadable expression across his face. He was probably having second thoughts about having me turned, about having me in the guard.

"I'm sorry." I said, breaking the silence that hovered between us as he looked into my eyes.

"We will need to find a way of turning that pain into anger, in a fight people will find out about your weaknesses. If we can turn your weakness into an advantage, you could be an amazing fighter. You are extremely strong, dear." Caius said, still not breaking eye contact.

"I'm a newborn; newborns are meant to be stronger than older vampires, aren't they?" I asked, He nodded.

"You are not a normal newborn. Most newborns wouldn't have been that strong and usually newborns would have fed by now. Mostly they would have barely any memory of their human life, were as you seem to remember yours perfectly." Caius commented. I shrugged, if it was up to me I wouldn't remember my human life at all. "I'm not saying this is a bad thing Isabella." Caius said, placing a hand on my arm again.

"I know." I said quietly, attempting to shrug off his hand.

"Jane should be back soon with your crest." Caius smiled. "It will look wonderful on you, Isabella." I looked down, avoiding his glaze; he wouldn't look away from me. His hand was suddenly under my chin, lifting my head to face him. "What are you hiding for?" he asked.

"I'm not..." I answered nervous. I moved around in my seat, uncomfortable, he hadn't moved his hand. He pulled me to him quickly, making us both stand up, I started to panic and pulled away but he didn't let go and pulled me close to him again. What could I do? "Let go." I whispered a hint of fear in my voice.

Caius shook his head. "I know you want this," He smiled, holding me close to him with one hand while brushing a stray strand of hair off my face with the other. "You could be my queen." I shook my head, violently.

"No, No." I repeated. "I don't want this."

"I want to give you a new life; no one would ever hurt you again." Caius said.

"No." I said confidently, pushing him away. I caught a glimpse of the anger in his eyes then and realized what a big mistake I was making. I could have said I would think about this, that I needed time but no, I had to go and make him angry.

"Isabella, remember who you are speaking to." He nearly growled, I felt the anger building up inside me. He had no right to talk to me like that, I didn't want him. I don't care who he is. The rational part of me kicked in then, I needed to get out of this situation and I needed to calm down Caius.

"I'm sorry," I forced myself to say. "I just need some time to think about this." I said, looking down. Caius let go of me finally and I took a step back toward the door, I needed to get out of here.

"I hope you know that I can make things bad for you here as well as good." Caius stated. "I know of the bond between you and Alec." I looked up at him confused; I had a bond with Alec? I'd only met him once.

"I don't know what you mean..." I trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"You will soon." Caius hissed. "Now leave and do not speak of this to anyone." I nodded, I didn't need telling twice and I rushed out the door, quickly closing it behind me and rushing to my room.

I slammed the door behind me as I entered and fell back onto my bed. Why, oh why, did he have to be interested in me? He could have anyone else, just not me. I couldn't love again and even if I did, it would not be him. Another question that ran through my mind was, what had he meant when he said I had a bond with Alec? He said I'd find out soon but I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

**Authors Note: Hey, I'd love to know what you think! :)**

_Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved._

_William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It wasn't long after I'd finally managed to block all thoughts of Caius from my head that Felix turned up, standing in the doorway eager to know what had happened. I shrugged, dismissing the thousands of questions he was asking me.

"Oh, I see, you two want to keep it a secret." Felix smirked I rolled my eyes facing Felix.

"There is nothing going on." I stated. "Now am I meant to do something round here or not?" I demanded changing the subject. I was not in the mood to talk about Caius.

Felix chuckled, grabbed my arm and pulled me out the room. "Com'on, I'll explain things while I finally give you that tour of the castle."

Three days had passed since I had my talk with Caius and I felt I was settling in here, I had friends, well one friend and Alec was coming back today. I didn't quite understand why but just thinking about Alec made me smile, maybe it was his cute boyish looks or the way he'd kissed my hand before he left... No, I scolded myself, I didn't, I couldn't think of Alec like that. Felix had already been warned away by Caius and besides I didn't want any male attention, not like that anyway, Felix was a friend and that's what I hoped Alec would be.

I glanced down at my watch and smiled, five twenty, my shift was over. Shifts weren't hard, all I had to do was stand guard for a couple hours at time, the only down side was it gave me time to think and dwell on things. Most of the guard didn't mind having some time to themselves but most of the guard here didn't have to keep Edward out there head.

As I stepped out from my hiding spot in the shadows of the wall that surrounded the castle, I spotted Caius watching me from a window, high above my head. I looked down immediately, hurrying into the building and smashing into Felix.

"Fancy seeing you here, My lady." Felix grinned, bowing. I rolled my eyes, Felix really was insane sometimes, I curtsied, laughing at him.

"Shouldn't you be outside watching out for scary vampires?" I asked, he shrugged in response to my question.

"My shift ends round about now, I figure its fine." He smiled, "Now," He said, putting his arm through mine and pulling me along. "We have a lot to do." I raised an eyebrow at him; all we needed to do now was find something to do, there was nothing to do. "First we'll need to take you shopping." I stopped walking.

"And why the hell is that?" I demanded, some things had changed but not my hate for shopping.

"Because!" Felix said dragging out the word, "Your little lover boy is coming back!" He grinned as I glared at him.

"You really are an ass." I muttered, wishing I had never told him about this so called bond with Alec.

"Awhh!" Felix pouted, "I thought you loved me." I wacked Felix in the stomach, rolling my eyes, he really was an Idiot.

"I think the term you're looking for is hate." I grinned before he picked me up throwing me over his shoulder. This was happening all too frequently, whenever he couldn't get his own way he'd just carry me away and change the subject. "Felix!" I groaned, "Put me the hell down." Felix chuckled, ignoring my protest and continued to walk down the hall. "I swear to god! I will hurt you!"

"Put her down," I heard a soft voice say, I attempted to look round Felix and see who it was but failed.  
>"Awhh, Lover boy's being a spoil sport!" Felix whined putting me down. I rolled my eyes, straightening my clothes before looking up to a very confused Alec.<p>

"Sorry, Felix has momentarily lost his mind." I grinned, elbowing Felix.

"No, she's just upset because she's in lo-" Felix sung as smashed him into the wall.

"As I said, he's lost his mind, ignore him." I said quickly, for some reason I didn't want Alec to know, I didn't want it to be awkward between us. Alec was not going to find out about what Caius had said, we were going to be friends and Felix was going to shut up. This felt like a long shot for some reason but I was going to be optimistic about something, I told myself.

"Right…" Alec said as Felix laughed quietly to himself. Felix walked over to Alec and placed a hand on his shoulder, he said something quietly before turning around to smirk at me.

"I'm sure you'll tell me all about your little date later, Belly." Felix grinned before disappearing down the hall.

"I swear, I'm going to kill him someday." I muttered, Alec laughed and walked over to me.

"It's Bella right?" Alec asked and I nodded. "We met when you first came…"

"Yeah, I remember." I smiled, how could I forget? "It wasn't the best meeting." Alec shrugged.

"That's okay, I didn't mind. What was wrong with you then anyway?" He asked me, it was my turn to shrug.  
>"I still haven't quite worked that out yet." I sighed, not willing to reveal the reason; I didn't want to tell him that every time I thought about the old times with Edward I died a little inside. The worst part was that I wasn't even exaggerating; it felt like the venom was coursing through my human veins again, like I was being burnt from the inside out.<p>

"Okay then, It hasn't happened again has it?" He asked, seemingly curious.

"Not really," I said, dismissing the idea. "So where did Aro send you?" I asked, desperate for a change of subject.

"The south of England, it was raining for the duration of our stay which made everything easier. It's probably as rainy there as Forks or at least it seems like it." Alec replied, smiling at me. I cringed at the mention of Forks; I would never be able to go back.

"Did you really just say the duration of your stay?" I laughed as Alec looked at me quizzically.

"Yeah, why?" Alec asked.

"You sounded really posh." I smiled, laughing slightly, it wasn't even that funny but the look on Alec's face made it worse. I started to giggle and Alec watched me like I was insane, which right now I probably seemed. Alec shook his head. I straightened up, "Sorry, it wasn't really that funny." I said, trying not to snicker at the look I was given by Chelsea as she walked by.

Alec sighed in response running a hair through his messy, black hair. "You know people are going to think you have issues." He grinned, rolling his eyes as Chelsea sped by us not wanting to get involved.

"What's wrong with having issues? It makes life way more fun." I said, this was one of the few things I'd actually managed to learn from Felix in the past few days. That and a couple of combat moves totalled what I had learnt but that wasn't the point. The point was it didn't matter of Heidi or Chelsea thought I was insane, as long as I was happy it was fine. The only problem with that was Edward would always pop into my mind at the most inappropriate moments.

"I guess that's true but it'll make it harder to fit in here considering you're planning on staying with us." Alec replied, I shifted my weight from one foot to the next out of habit, it was weird how I didn't need to do stuff like that anymore, I didn't even need to breath. I considered what Alec had said, it was probably true but then I wouldn't be me if I let other people change me, I was me, clumsy, ordinary Bella. Or at least I used to be, the new me was fun and happy…most of the time.

"I'm not going to change myself for other people." I told Alec.

"I didn't mean it like that, there's nothing wrong with being yourself." He replied, and started walking; he took my hand pulling me along. "Com'on let's get some privacy before my sister comes running around the corner. I was pulled along as Alec ran down the halls, through doors and up the occasional staircase eventually he stopped outside a dark mahogany door. He pulled out a set of keys and undone the 3 deadbolts, I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Will human locks actually keep a vampire out?" I asked in disbelief, there was no way it would keep a vampire out if humans found way to open them and a vampire could just knock the door down.

"No but I'd know if someone had been inside my room and if they want to be sneaky they won't want to be knocking down doors." Alec said, "And this way I'm more likely to find out who it was." He finished unlocking the door and stepping inside; he opened the door and beckoned me inside. I walked in, slowly soaking up my surroundings.

The room was anything but bare; the walls were a light brown colour that could barely be seen because of the extensive amount of pictures hung on the wall. A lot of the images seemed to either be large old fashioned artworks or smaller recent photos but how was I to tell if they were recent or not when the vampires in the pictures never changed. The walls weren't the only thing ready to overflow though, three huge trunks stood lined against the far wall, opposite me, the lids propped open slightly by books, CD's and clothes. The room itself was also filled to the brim, an old fashioned four poster bed stood in the centre, more belongings visibly poking out from under it, a dresser was placed next to it the clothes spilling out the draws and a range of deodorants and aftershaves lay across the top. A cream couch filled the wall closest to me and seemed extremely well worn as one of its legs was held up by a pile of small novels. Odd bits and pieces of furniture were dotted around the room and I shook my head in confusion when a saw a gold old fashion bird cage in the corner.

Alec turned to watch me as I walked farther into the room, eventually deciding to take a seat in front of the cream couch my hands running over the soft feel of the carpet. I smiled up at him, seeing him lock the door behind himself; he moved and sat down next to me, a soft smile gracing his face.

"Sorry, I know it's a mess." Alec apologised, I shrugged, I thought his room was fascinating I wanted to look at everything he'd collected over the years.

"It's fine really, besides it doesn't look like there is much more room to put anything." I replied. "Well, anything else." Alec chuckled nodded in agreement.

"So how've you been settling in?" Alec asked.

"Good, I guess. Felix is really nice, when he wants to be." I said, muttering the last part under my breath. "Which reminds me what did he say to you?" I questioned, Alec grinned in response.

"He told me to do this…" Alec said, his hands cupping my face as he brought his lips to mine. He kissed me gently before pulling back, "He said you needed someone to care for you."

**Authors Note: Hey! How is everyone? Thanks for reading and I would absolutely love to know what you think.**

_Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place._

_Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

My first thought was one of utter disbelief; Alec Volturi had not kissed me. My second thought was simple; run. I back away from Alec slightly not meeting his eyes. He watched me, assessing my reaction.

"Bella," He said, gently taking my hand. "I know you're upset about Cullen but I would be so much better for you." I gulped at the mention of Edward; Alec didn't know him like I did. He was kind and gentle, he cared for more than anyone else did and even if he was controlling sometimes I didn't mind because I knew he loved me. Or at least I'd thought he had loved me. Edward had left me and coming here had been my escape, I was meant to be moving on. I was meant to be accepting that I didn't deserve the most amazing man in the world.

I cringed as I felt the familiar jolts of pain rush through me, it wasn't as bad as before though. It was as if I had been numbed, as if time was going slower; giving me a chance to finally look at what I'd turned my life into. I had lost Edward because I wasn't good enough, I'd hurt Charlie, leaving him to think I was dead, I'd lost the person who was meant to be my best friend; Alice. In exchange for all of that I had wanted to get a new life, to be a new person, a person who wasn't held back by being quiet or pain but it hadn't turned out that way. I'd only gained one good thing and that was Felix, a feeling somewhere deep inside me told me I was lying to myself, I'd won something else too; I just couldn't see it yet.

I opened my eyes, not realising I had closed them. I wasn't in Alec's room anymore. I didn't know where I was, I glanced around and sighed when I realised I was in what was meant to be my room now. I sighed, sitting up to realise Caius was lying next to me, I let out a little shriek shuffling away from him. A smile spread across his face, something about his smile scared me.

"You really are amazing Isabella." Caius commented, "You have somehow manage to make a vampire have human traits, I don't think I've ever heard of a vampire who passed out before." I nodded in response, trying to remember what had happened. Suddenly all the events of the last few days came flooding back to me and my eyes widened, Alec had kissed me and I had passed out.

I felt a hand place itself on top of my leg and I widened my eyes at Caius, brushing away his hand. I looked down at myself; I wasn't in the same clothes. Someone had undressed and redressed me. "Who dressed me?" I asked, praying it wasn't him but not setting myself up to be disappointed if it had been.

"Alec." Caius answered, annoyance rang in his voice and his eyes darkened slightly. I didn't know whether to take this as a good thing or a bad thing. Caius hadn't touched me which made me feel a lot better but I didn't know how to feel about Alec seeing me naked.

"Why?" I asked, moving off the bed. The further away from Caius I got the safer I felt.  
>"Felix threw a glass of water over you." Caius said, practically growling now. "He thought it would wake you up." I bit my lip trying not to laugh at his reaction.<p>

"Where are Felix and Alec?" I asked, hoping I could excuse myself to go talk to them.

"Waiting to feed, everyone is waiting to feed." Caius stated, standing up and walking over to me. He took my hand. "Allow me to walk you to the throne room and you shall finally have your first meal. I am surprised you have not been as thirsty as any other newborn." He commented. I nodded, remembering what he had said before about how he could make bad things happen here and knew he was right.

Something else now worried me though; they would expect me to kill a human. They wanted me to feed on humans, I hadn't thought my plan through, all I had wanted was the pain to stop and I would have given up anything for that.

When I finally pulled myself away from my worried thoughts I realised I was standing in front of the doors to the throne room. I pulled my hand back, away from Caius. "Thank you." I said, politely walking into the throne room and moving to stand next to Felix who had a smug look on his face. "I will so kill you later." I muttered, barely loud enough for Felix to hear.

Caius moved toward Aro, he touched his hand for a second before moving back to his throne and sitting down. Aro's glaze turned toward me for a couple of seconds and the look on his face told me he knew something I didn't.

I suddenly became aware of the sweetest aroma, I had ever smelt. My throat burned with a brand new thirst and a powerful longing that I'd never felt before. "What is that?" I whispered to Felix, a hand resting at the base of my neck. Felix looked down at me with black eyes.

"Human blood." He answered me, before looking back to the door as Heidi led a group of at least thirty humans inside, I bit my lip. They smelt so good, I craved their blood, I ached for their blood. I not only wanted it but I need it but it was wrong. They were innocent people, not food.

Heidi fastened the doors behind them as the three kings stepped forward, they walked toward the crowd who were buzzing with excitement as if they were about to witness the best show in the world. They were about to witness something but it wouldn't be a spectacular show; it would thirty tragic, painful deaths.

By the time I had blinked, taking in what was about to happen, the kings and most of the guard held a human in their arms, sucking them dry. The faces of their victims paled to a ghostly pale white and the few drops of blood that trailed down their necks looked a bright crimson red in comparison.

Felix placed a hand on my back, pushing me forward slightly, I could tell my eyes were black with thirst, my throat was on fire and I had tensed, forcing myself to watch the horrific deaths of the people in front of me instead of causing them myself. The screams echoed around the room as the last few humans made a pathetic attempt at escape. If I could have cried, I would have. All they wanted to do was live and I had given up my life without a second thought.

"Feed, Bella." Felix told me, everyone was watching me now as I continued to stand tensed and frozen to my spot. My whole body was aching to feed, to drain every last drop of life from the last remaining human, who had fallen to her knees in the middle of the room. I looked up to Felix then noticing a small red stain around his mouth from his feeding.

"I can't do it." I told him. "I'm not like that, she's innocent and she doesn't deserve this." I heard an annoyed growl then, as Jane, Alec's sister, walked over to the girl who was crumpled in the middle of the room. Jane flashed me a dazzling smiled before snapping the girl's neck ending the girl's body shaking sobs and her life.

My mouth hung open at what I had just witnessed; I could have done something to save her. I should have done something to save her. Jane lifted up the girl's body and walked over to me, I snatched the body from her arms. I was aware that every vampire in the room was watching me, including the kings.

"Now drink already." Jane hissed, walking back over to her spot in the shadows of the room. I looked down at the girl in my arms, she was dead, her pale green eyes wide with shock but they were dead, they held no depth. Some say the eyes are a direct window to the soul and looking into this girl's eyes, I could tell there wasn't one last breath of life in her.

Felix gently moved her neck to one side, "You need to feed, Bella." I shook my head, no, I wouldn't. "She's already dead, Bella. Feed." I sighed, Felix was right, even if I didn't want him to be. I needed to feed and she was dead, she wouldn't feel anything now. I moved my mouth to her neck biting down quickly and a liquid flooded my mouth. It was a taste that could not be equalled by anything else on this earth; it was untainted and perfect.

I pulled back as I drank her dry, a blissful sigh forming on my lips. Then I remembered everyone was watching me and what I had just done. I had just drunk the blood of an innocent and if it was possible for me to, I knew I would have thrown up.

**Author's note: Hey sorry I didn't update over Christmas and New year but I will be trying to update regularly again. I liked to know what you think, happy new year xx**

_Guilt is anger directed at ourselves-at what we did or did not do._

_Peter McWilliams,_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

I bolted from the room, carrying the girl's limp body in my arms, venom tears filling my eyes and clouding my vision as I went. I finally burst through the doors to my room, laying her down on the bed, I brushed her hair from her face gently, her pale green eyes starred up at me. I leaned down to her neck and bit her injecting as much venom as I could. Maybe I hadn't drained all of her blood, maybe she could come back? She would like this life. She would get to live.

"Bella…" A soft voice said from behind me as the venom tears created a pathway down my cheeks. I grabbed her wrists, injecting venom into her quickly before moving to her sides, I tore away at the seams of her white blouse. Just as I was about to continue injecting the venom someone pulled me back.

"She's gone Bella." Alec whispered; I shook my head in response. No. He was wrong, I would save her. "Jane killed her Bella, not you." Alec turned me around to face him, still holding onto me. "You have to survive Bella; this is not your fault."

"But if I didn't need to feed she wouldn't have been here, Jane wouldn't have done it. Maybe she can be fixed. She still has blood in her." I pleaded with him. "Let me try." Alec shook his head at me.

"She's gone. She's not coming back; you need to understand that." Alec told me, I looked away from him to see Felix standing in the doorway, a look of sadness and pity on his face. He walked over to us and pulled me from Alec's arms and into his. I clung onto him as I started to sob.

"Shh… It's going to be fine, Bells." Felix cooed, stroking my hair.

"I killed her, I'm a monster." I muttered; Felix pulled away from me so he could look me in the eye.

"You are not a monster Bella." Felix said a stern tone in his voice. "You are far from a monster."

"Don't give her false hopes, Felix." I heard someone say. "She's a monster like the rest of us; the sooner she realises the better." Jane stated, a scowl etched into her childlike face. She was right though, I was a monster, and I would have to kill people to survive.

"Leave her alone, Jane." Alec growled while I let go of Felix. "This is your fault."

"Oh, please; she needed to feed." Jane laughed. "If anything I helped her."

"It was her choice; now get out." Alec growled, stepping toward his sister menacingly. Jane's eyes went wide.

"Is that a threat brother dearest?" Jane asked, innocently. Alec stood silently, unsure of what to do and that's when I realised this was the first time I'd ever seen or heard of someone standing up to Jane.

"Jane, Leave. This is not the time." Felix warned, standing in front of me.

"Why don't you let her speak for herself? Can't she defend herself?" Jane asked.

"I can defend myself." I said, quietly. I stepped out in front of the boys. "But that poor girl couldn't, no one has the right to take away someone's life. Not you, not anyone. You're an evil, evil girl who picks on other people to get her own way and I want you to leave my room." I hissed, angrily. I wouldn't have normally have got so angry but everything was heightened now, I needed to find a way to control my anger before I started something I couldn't finish.

When Jane didn't move, standing in front of me with a smirk on her face; I lost it. I growled, tackling her to floor, silently thanking Felix for teaching me. All of a sudden, Jane disappeared in a blur and smashed me into a wall, her hand around my throat, holding me in the air.

"Don't forget whose boss around here." Jane snarled at me before Alec pulled her off me and dragged Jane out the room. I sunk back to the floor in shock.

"Bella?" Felix said, stepping closer. "You okay? Ignore Jane she's-"

"She's right, Felix." I sighed. "I am a monster, there's nothing I can do about that." Felix nodded, not wanting to upset me any more by arguing.

"I'll take her to the morgue." Felix said, walking over to the girl and lifting her in his arms. "I'll be back in a bit Bella." He said, before disappearing out the door.

Once I was sure Felix couldn't hear me anymore, I sunk to my knee's; my head in my hands. "I don't want this anymore…" I whispered to myself. A tinkling laugh sounded then, I looked up. Heidi. "What do you want?"

Heidi smirked, "Hmm… That's a long list and on the top of that list is Felix." She said, lifting me up from the floor by my hair, I cringed in pain. "So here's what you're going do, you're going to stop hanging around Felix. His feeling for you are becoming somewhat of a problem for me, you see."

"Felix is my friend." I stated. "I'm not going to stop hanging out with him and he deserves a hell of a lot better than you."

Heidi tugged on my hair once again; I felt some of my hair rip from my head. "You make your choice, Alec or Felix because trust me, Alec will get bored with you very quickly when he realises what a mature woman can offer him." Heidi smirked, "And don't say you don't want Alec, I know you do. Why else would you have screamed for him in your dreams?"

"What are you talking about?" I demanded, confused.

"When you passed out; you screamed his name, for hours." Heidi said, "Felix will be so disappointed when he find out his little friendship with you is over," Heidi smirked, dropping me to the floor once again. "But I can think of ways to make him feel better."

"You're disgusting." I told her, "Is that all you think about? Using people to get what you want or who you want?"

Heidi laughed again; it was sharp sound, like glass breaking. "No, Sometimes I just enjoy making pathetic people like you miserable." Heidi said, giving a last kick in the ribs before moving toward the door. "I think it would be best to keep our little chat a secret, don't you Isabella? I wouldn't want to have to tell Caius what you and Alec were really doing in his room? I really wouldn't like to know what he would do to Alec if he knew." Heidi grinned at me. "I'll see you soon, Isabella. You'll remember to leave Felix alone, won't you?" With that she disappeared leaving me in a crumpled heap on the floor.

Heidi wanted Felix and she was willing to hurt me and Alec to get him. I hadn't realised until now how scared I was of Alec getting hurt. I didn't want Felix to be hurt either though; he was my best friend, my only friend. Somehow I couldn't bring myself to think of Alec as a friend, I thought of Alec as something different, something more. Not a brother or family or anything like that.

I gulped as I realised something Heidi had already realised. I was crushing on Alec, Stupid, pathetic, unlovable Bella Swan was crushing on Alec Volturi.

**Authors note: Hey! Bella's finally realising she can get over Edward, so excited to hear what you think x**

_One's first love is always perfect until one meets one's second love._

_Elizabeth Aston_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Two weeks, extensive training, endless watch duties and countless glares from Jane and Heidi later I was walking through the rainy market in Volterra. Why was I doing this? Well, Marcus and Aro had decided to host a 'small' party. But when I say small I mean huge, at least fifty vampires would be there not including the guard. All the main guard were expected to attend and that; somehow, included me.

I walked over to a little stand and smiled at the young man behind it, lovely silk dresses were laid out in front of me; in every colour. About thirty different shades of pink from baby pink to pinkish orange to hot pink, a million shades of blue and way too many shades of purple. I ran my hand over the soft material, a smile across my face.

"Sei molto bella, signorina" The man behind the stand said, as I looked to meet his eyes. If I was human a blush would have coated my cheeks. I wasn't fluent in Italian but I had picked up a few things Felix or other people would say often. "Qual è il tuo nome?" He asked; I blinked at him apologetically.

"Sorry, I don't speak much Italian…" I said; a small frown on my lips. The man grinned back at me.

"That's good because I don't speak much Italian." He told me, my mouth opened to form a small O shape. "What you thought I wouldn't understand you? Most of the sellers here can speak English, miss." I nodded, not wanting to get into convocation with a complete stranger. I started to look over the dresses again, a smooth brown one catching my eye, it was the colour my eyes were as a human and it brought back floods of memories, they weren't just the colour my eyes should have been, they were the colour of Charlie's eyes too. I frowned, putting the dress back down neatly when I realised I had picked it up.

When I looked back up the young man was walking around the stand, heading toward me, I held back a sigh. The smile on his face reminded me of Mike; a small laugh escaped my lips causing him to give me a questioning look.

"Do I look funny?" He asked me, I shook my head in response.

"You just remind me of someone I know, well used to know." I said; a hint of sadness in my voice. Lucky for me, he didn't notice though and continued with what he was planning to say. He held up an extremely short red dress.

"What about this then?" He asked, causing me to shake my head; horrified at the idea of wearing the scrap of material he was holding.

"Maybe, if it was longer." I commented, noticing how beautiful it was once you got over its length; it had a small detailed pattern down the side, it looked like every little stitch had been done by hand. The dress looked surprisingly delicate. I tilted my head to the side, wondering if the dress would look differently to human eyes.

The man held his hand out to me after placing down the dress, neatly.

"I'm Manuele, by the way." He told me, as I shook his hand.

"I'm Bella." I smiled at him; the not talking to him thing was not going well.

"And I'm Alec." I heard from behind me, the smile on my face grew bigger, instantly. Alec's arm brushed mine as he walked past; he did that a lot lately. Nothing intension; or anything that would seem intentional, simple things like standing a little to close in the elevator or his hand lingering on mine for an extra second or so after I had passed him something. "What was that red dress you were looking at Bells?" He asked, smirking.

My eyes widened, he would not make me buy that dress. I could already see the plan forming in his mind, it was written all over his face.

"I wasn't looking at a dress, Manuele was just holding one up, I was thinking of getting one of the longer ones, the brown one maybe or the silver…" I said, trailing off as I saw Alec pick up the dress.

"What size are you?" Alec asked me as I glared at him.

"I'm not saying." I stated before turning back to Manuele. "Can I see the silver one?" Manuele nodded, holding it up; it was a floor length dress, which had a seemingly dazzling effect, it sparkled but it wasn't covered in glitter or sequences, it was the closest thing to vampire skin I'd ever seen. My eyes trailed over it, I'd liked it but it was something I could see Heidi or Chelsea wearing not me. I wouldn't feel comfortable in something that skin tight.

"I think your boyfriend likes the red one better." He told me, breaking my trance.

"10." Alec said, suddenly; not giving me a chance to correct Manuele. We turned to look at him.

"What?" I demanded.

"You're a size 10." Alec grinned, grabbing a dress in that size and checking the price tag.

"I won't wear it." I said, knowing he was teasing me. "You won't do it."

"I will, I bet you'll look amazing, Caius would love it." Alec laughed as I pretended to throw up. "Well get them both, you never know when Aro will want to throw another party." Alec handed Manuele the money, folding both the dresses and placing them in the shopping bag he was already holding.

I sighed, "I hate wearing dresses anyway." I complained.

"It's a shame, you have amazing legs." Alec stated, leading me away from the stand.

"See you soon, Bella!" Manuele called after us, Alec continued to pull me along; not giving me a chance to reply. I rolled my eyes, noticing the time, three forty five.

"You realise we have like five minutes to get back don't you?" I said, knowing if we were late Caius would go crazy, he'd been keeping an unnervingly close eye on me lately. I had set times when I had to go see him and if I wasn't there on time, whoever had made me late would be punished, unfortunately that would usually be Alec or Felix.

"I know." Alec stated, moving faster to a human run, I followed him moving at the same speed until we reached the alley that leaded to the back entrance of the castle. The second we were out of sight, I sped ahead of Alec, the buzz of traveling so fast; knowing I wouldn't fall, still hadn't worn off.

I grinned as I entered the throne room, exactly on time for a change.

* * *

><p>I had both dresses laid out on my bed, I knew Alec wanted me to wear the red one and it was beautiful and soft and unique…but so was the silver one. It shone like diamonds, it was elegant and it looked a lot classier than the red one. I sighed, picking up the red dress; as I did I noticed a note on the back.<p>

"Wear this one." I read aloud and rolled my eyes, I knew it was Alec; he didn't even need to sign it. I shook my head, dropping the note and letting it float to the floor while I placed the dress back into the wardrobe.

Turning back around, I headed over to the bathroom grabbing some straighteners I'd borrowed from one of the lower guard, I'm pretty sure her name was Cora. Once inside the bathroom; I closed the door and plugged them in. I looked at myself in the mirror while I waited for them to heat up, my make-up was already done. A faint blusher graced my cheek bones and a light shimmery eye shadow donned my eyelids. I added a touch of complexion enhancer below my eyes to hide the purple circles that now shadowed them.

I straightened my hair quickly, smoothing out the small kinks and waves and giving myself a satisfied smile. I guess the whole vampire thing had helped me a lot in the looks department; at least I had an excuse to be pale now. I turned the straighteners off before heading back into the room.

Straight away I knew something was missing and it didn't even take a second for me to realise what; my dress. My floor length silver gown that had been delicately laid across my bed had now vanished.

"No." I said, it wasn't true, it was here. I told myself moving around the bed to check the floor; nope, still no dress. Growling, I moved to the wardrobe, maybe I'd put it back with the red scrap of material. I knew I hadn't but I could wish. "Dammit." I grumbled, damn you Alec. He must have really wanted me to wear that damned red dress.

I quickly pulled on the red one, frowning at the image in the mirror; I really hated Alec right now. I had no time to find my gown or buy a new one and I looked horrible.

* * *

><p>Standing outside the doors to the party, I could hear the rambunctious sounds of vampires dancing, talking, and laughing and to my surprise drinking. I pushed open the double doors that lead into the ball room, my eyes widened at the scene in front of me. I wasn't the only person here only wearing a scrap of fabric but that wasn't what caught my eye; what caught my eye was a tall beautiful vampire named Heidi would just happened to be wearing my silver gown. I should have known.<p>

I took a step inside the room and at least half of the assembly of vampires turned to look at, I hesitated unsure of what to do once again as I told myself not to run. I saw Alec walk over to me with a huge grin on his face.

"I told you that dress made you look hot." He grinned, his eyes traveling over my body.

"W-what?" I stammered as Felix plied Heidi off his arm before walking over to me as well.

"Awhh, doesn't little Belly look all grown up?" Felix said, intentionally trying to piss me off. I glared at them both, I knew I looked ridiculous but they didn't have to take the mick out of me. This was all Heidi's fault and if it was possible I hated her more than before and for the record I don't usually hate people.

I walked away from them, pushing past them and walking smack into Caius. "Ouch." I grumbled, not because it hurt but it was my natural reaction and to be honest I didn't really want to see him; especially when I looked like a hooker.

"You look sensational, Isabella. You seem to be drawing a lot of male attention." He commented, giving various people around the room stern looks. I scrunched my eyebrows up, so what if people were looking at me? I could defend myself, what gave him the right to do anything about it? But I knew if I said something it would only infuriate him so I simply nodded in thanks and turned to my right heading across the room to sit down and hopefully not be forced to dance.

I was doing well until I got about halfway across the room and someone pulled me into their arms. A small squeak escaped my lips as they dipped me and wrapped their arms around me. I started to freak out and pushed him away. When I saw the rejected look on his face my momentary dear vanished, he hadn't meant to scare me.

"Sorry, It's just I don't dance." I told them.

"Everyone dances." The man smiled at me, he had black hair and matching eyes; something told me they weren't black with hunger or anger, and if Alec hadn't been standing behind him glaring, I might have been able to utter a coherent sentence. I started to giggle and the man looked at me like I was insane.  
>"Sorry, I wasn't laughing at you." I said, trying to keep a straight face and standing up straight, I pulled down my dress slightly as it had ridden up. "I'm Bella."<p>

"Alistair." He replied, taking my hand. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to dance? Or are you the reason Caius is glaring at me?"

I shrugged, annoyed, why couldn't Caius leave me alone, I don't know what spurred me on to what I did next but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with the fact I hate it when people try to control me.

"I'd love to dance but I might not be very good." I said, stepping closer to him, I could feel the cool air coming off his chest as he placed a hand on the small of my back, pulling me even closer. He had dropped my hand and draped my arms around his neck.

As we started to move, I instinctively rested my head against his chest and an involuntary sigh slipped from my lips. I heard a faint growl and smiled imagining Caius's face. What I didn't expect to hear next was the sound of Alistair falling to the ground, unconscious.

I crouched down beside him, worried. "Alistair?" I asked, panicked.

"Alec; stop this now." Felix said, when Alistair stayed on the floor, I looked up at him; glaring.

"Alec!" I yelled, "Stop, you have no right."

"And why is that Isabella?" Caius asked walking over to stand behind me, of course the music had stopped now and rest of the party had either turned to stare at us or run just in case this was some form of trap.

"Because he has no reason to hurt, Alistair, he did nothing to him." I said why was I the only one who could see this. I looked at Felix; pleadingly, for help. He sent me an apologetic look as Heidi wrapped herself around him.

Alec looked at me, frowning; sadness filled his blood red eyes. "I'm sorry Bella." He said, as Alistair awakened and shot up from the floor launching himself at Alec. Instinctively I grabbed his shoulder and slammed him back down into the floor, the ground shook beneath my feet at the impact.

"No, fighting." I said, somewhat calmly. I don't know how I even managed to sound calm, because I was going hysterical on the inside, I really needed to stop acting on instinct; it only got me in trouble.

"What gives you the authority to order them around?" Caius asked amused, as if this was all some game to him. I heard someone laugh then and for once it wasn't Heidi or Jane, a blonde woman who stood slightly apart from the crowd was laughing.

"She thinks because she the Cullen's pet, she's special." The blonde woman said. "When really she's just a delusional little girl, Edward realised she wasn't going to put out and left her and now she's come here to be used again except once again she's somehow managed to make her the prize of some little competition." She continued and as I glanced around, on the verge of becoming visibly hysterical, I realised no one was going to stop her. "This time it is a little more exciting though, a Volturi king verses a member of the guard, someone who could force her to love them and someone who would be willing to give up his life to protect her. Anyone want to take bets on who will win her this time?" She started laughing again then and I was physically shaking with anger. "Oh Bella, I forgot to mention this but Edward's great in bed." She smirked, before dropping to the floor, screaming in pain.

This wasn't Alec, I glanced around, Alec wasn't even in the room….

"Listen here, I don't like people messing around in my brother's life, got it? Mess with her all you like but if there is even a chance it will affect Alec, you keep your pretty little mouth shut got it Tanya?" Jane hissed.

Jane turned back to me then, "Thanks." I said, quietly, I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't of shut up, I was only just managing to hold onto the threads of humanity inside me and not rip Tanya's head off.

"I didn't do it for you, hurt Alec and what I did to Tanya will seem like spa day." Jane sneered before walking off.

Felix grabbed my arm, towing me out of the hall; leaving a wide eyed Heidi. "Come on, before you attract any more attention." He said, gently.

The doors to the room closed behind us and I broke down, collapsing to the floor and clutching my chest, my thoughts revolving around what I had just heard. Edward hadn't even just left me. If he had just left me, I might have had some chance of getting over it, Edward had cheated on because I wasn't good enough and now I didn't even have Alec to hold me and help me get myself together. All because Tanya thought it was funny to point out my misfortune and turn it into some big horrible game; that I had no chance of winning.

**Authors note: Soo what did you think? Thank you for all the reviews on the last chapter! Hopefully, I'm going to be able to get back to updating every week now I don't have to revise for exams.**

_When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it._

_Bernard Bailey_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I walked along the halls of the castle silently as I headed for Caius's chambers; not somewhere I particularly wanted to go but I didn't really have a choice. The only reasonable explanation for him wanting to see me was to punish me for the scene at the party, I sighed; not because I didn't think I deserved to be punished but because there was no way to avoid talking about what had happened. It definitely wasn't one of my finer moments in life; I had looked terrible, got Alec in trouble, been threatened by Jane but the worst part was the realisation of why Edward left me. I'd always known I wasn't good enough for him, he was perfect; his velvet voice and unearthly good looks, his sensitivity and ability to care for everyone around him made he seem somewhat like an angel at times. I couldn't have him, no matter how much I wanted him or tried to convince myself he loved me or at least had love me once, I didn't deserve an angel in my life.

The one thing I couldn't understand though was why he would have chosen to cheat on me with someone as horrible as Tanya, surely if you could have anyone you wouldn't choose her? Or maybe I just didn't understand and know Edward as much as I thought I did. I thought he wanted someone loving and kind, someone who could fit into his family and care for him as much as he did them. Making these assumptions had made it easier for me to believe he loved me, what if my love for him had clouded my judgement? Did I even know him at all? Maybe he had wanted someone beautiful and confident from the start and he had only put up with me because I was his singer; because he liked the challenge of being close to me.

Shaking my head, I tried to rid my mind of thoughts of Edward, I was trembling; on the verge of another breakdown. If my heart had been beating it would have been pounding out of my chest by now, I gulped air down as if I was a human drowning, I attempted to calm myself down taking deep breathes, I didn't even need to breath but it did help to focus my mind.

A sighed escaped my lips as the pain started to subside, I'd been getting better at controlling my thoughts and stopping the pain but that didn't mean I never slipped up. It was in those moments when I was suddenly overwhelmed with pain and fear that I realised death would have been the easier way out. When I'd first been turned into a vampire I thought the pain of it was the most excruciating thing a human could withstand and I was probably right but now I was a vampire my body and mind could handle more pain than ever before it would shut down. I shivered glimpsing the memory of being burned from the inside out, a small part of me prayed that when I had my slip ups and I lost control that it would only hurt as much as the flames because in reality the pain I would suffer was worse than that. I wasn't even sure if there was a single vampire around that had been through or would ever go through the pain I felt in those brief moments.

"Don't be a baby Bella." I muttered to myself, hovering outside Caius's chambers. I couldn't distract myself with my thoughts forever, I lifted my hand to knock on the door and pale hand reached out and caught my arm. I spun around, breaking free of their grip, and sent a kick toward their gut before I had even realised who it was. When they caught my leg and pushed it up sending me hurdling toward the ground, I glanced up. Shaking my head; I held back a laugh. It was Felix. He grabbed my arm just before I was going to hit the floor and pulled me upright again.

He grinned down at me and dangled my crest in front of my face; I glared at him for a moment. I'd searched everywhere for it and he'd promised me he didn't know where it was.

"Where the hell did you get that?" I hissed, grabbing it from him and securing it round my neck quickly. I bet it had been some stupid prank for him, trying to get Caius angry at me. He seemed to think that it was impossible for me to get into trouble and I had to admit it did seem that way sometimes. No matter what happened, someone else would always get the blame; it didn't exactly help me to make friends. But I refused to believe it was because I was being given special treatment, if anything Caius had been clear that he would make things bad for me if I didn't become his 'queen'.

"I didn't take it." He defended himself, sensing my thoughts. "I found it in Alec's room actually." He said, smirking. "I wonder why it was in there."

"Surely the most important question is why were you in there?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from me and Alec.

"I was being the amazing friend I am, so why were you in there?" Felix questioned.

"I wasn't." I lied, smiling at him, innocently. If I admitted I'd even spoke to Alec, Felix would tease me for god knows how long.

"Then how did the necklace get in there?" Felix asked; a knowing smile across his face. I rolled my eyes, he'd probably come up with some crazy theory. The truth was I'd only gone to try and talk about what had happened at the party. I still didn't understand why Alec had attacked Alistair but I'd heard about thirty thousand different theories from Felix.

"I don't know," I answered, unable to think up a plausible reason. "I have to see Caius but shouldn't you be on shift?" I said turning around.

"Crap, see you later Bells." Felix said, ruffling my hair before disappearing down the hall. I fixed my hair, laughing at him, even being a vampire didn't help Felix keep on time. I knocked on the door gently and waited until I heard Caius call for me to come in.

I stepped inside slowly, closing the door behind me, I approach his desk; nervous. He looked up at me from his papers and gestured for me to sit down.

"How are you Isabella?" Caius asked, politely.

"I'm fine thank you." I responded; I hated making small talk with Caius, though he seemed to love it. Talking about stupid things like the weather or the news would have been fine with anyone else but with Caius it was as if he judged you on everything you said, the way you said it and even the way you looked while saying it.

His eyes trailed over me for a moment and I suddenly started to panic, had I dressed wrong? I was wearing a pair of black jeans and a plain light brown shirt, had I under dressed? I took in what he was wearing, a pair of black slacks and a dark blue shirt. Caius definitely didn't usually dress like that; he always seemed to wearing something from the Victorian era or something even older.

"I expect you are wondering why I wanted to see you." He said, turning to face me, I nodded. "There are two reasons." He continued. "The first reason is that I would like to go on date with you." My eyes widened at this but I continued to watch him silently. "I haven't been on one for many years you must understand, so I'm not sure how you are meant to go about these things."

"Usually, you would ask the girl if she would like to go." I said, plucking up the courage to speak.

"But why wouldn't you want to go with me? I can offer you power, admiration among our kind and so much more." Caius said. "What do people of this time usually do on one of these dates?" He asked and I realised how clueless he truly was, he when he said many years he probably meant centuries.

"Go out to dinner or see a movie, things like that." I said eventually after deciding there wasn't a way to get out of this easily.

"Right, Tonight I shall take you to a movie." He stated, I could see the discomfort in his eyes. He didn't seem to want to take me out.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked he obviously wasn't comfortable with it.

"Because I am trying to show you that you and I should be together Isabella." Caius said.

"This won't change things; I still don't want to be your queen." I said meekly, scared to anger him.

"I will still try." Caius told me, rising from his chair. "I will get Chelsea to give you more information." He said, I nodded getting up and heading toward the door. "I haven't finished, Isabella."

I sighed, turning to face him again, what else did he want to pester me about?

"I'm sending you and Alec to sort some things with another coven tomorrow morning; Alec will explain everything to you on the plane journey." He said and I couldn't help the smile that formed on my lips. I could finally get a chance to talk to Alec about everything and hopefully we could get back to being friends again. Then there was the added bonus of there being no Caius to report to every hour on the hour.

"Okay." I smiled, trying to hold back my excitement. Maybe we'd be going to England or France.

"Alec will come get you in the morning, I will see you later Isabella." He said, turning back to his desk. He sat down and started scrawling onto a piece of paper.

I exited the room, instantly. It hadn't been as bad as last time, he hadn't tried to force me to marry him or anything but it seemed like I would have to go on the 'date' with him. I sighed, checking the time, I was on guard duty in five minutes, I headed toward the entrance gates at a human pace to give myself time to think. Maybe I could use the date to my advantage he obviously didn't know about modern life so maybe I could convince him that only crazy people got married or you had to have known each other at least ten years before you could marry them. I shook my head at my inner ramblings, they would never work but I still had hours to come up with a plan. Even if I didn't come up with a plan, I wouldn't be around Caius for much longer anyway.

I knew I should be nervous about going to talk to another coven but all I could think about was getting away from Caius and finally being able to talk to Alec without being watched and judged constantly. It might even help me to sort out my feelings for him, I convinced myself as I stood in the shadows.

**Authors Note: Sorry, sorry, sorry, this took so long to get written but it's here now. So what do you think? **


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I was sitting on the plush seats of the jet by the time it had occurred to me to ask where exactly we were heading and what I was meant to do. I hadn't had any major combat training and I was pretty sure most vampires would be able to take me out without batting an eye. I stared at Alec waiting for him to answer me; he tilted his head to the side. He folded the corner of his book before closing it and letting a wary smile grace his face.

"Forks." He said, placing a hand on my arm. "I tried to get someone else to come instead of you but there was no one, Chelsea and Heidi are in Mexico again. Jane, Demetri and Felix have gone with Marcus to visit an old friend of his and Aro insisted all the other guard stay at the castle." Alec continued. "Not that I'm not happy to be spending time with you." He added quickly as an afterthought.

Nodding, my mind was in the middle of an overload; half trying to think of a logical explanation for the feeling in the pit of my stomach and the other half doing little happy flips that Alec was back to talking to me again. When we had boarded the jet he wouldn't so much look at me, let alone talk and part of me knew it was something to do with the part but I wouldn't say anything; I didn't want to push him. He'd tell me eventually. Or so I hoped.

"We're seeing the Cullen's aren't we." I said, more of a statement than a question, the name felt foreign to my lips I hadn't said it for at least the two months I'd been at the volturi. It had been two months since Ed-…. I shook my head cutting off my thought process; now was defiantly not the time to have a fit.

"We are." Alec confirmed a sympathetic look on face as he watched me, clearly waiting for me to breakdown or scream or maybe even for me to be angry. But I wasn't angry, not that I didn't have reason to be. I was about to be forced to see the bastard who had cheated on me. There would be no point in getting angry and losing my temper, what would it prove? It wasn't like I could do anything so many thousand feet above the ground and if I was lucky the Cullen's would have moved.

"What have they done?" I questioned meekly. I didn't really want to know but I would need to if we were going to question or worse punish them for it. I didn't hate the Cullen's, or at least all of them. Memories of Emmett engulfing me in his bear like arms and Esme constantly trying to make me feel better about myself ran through my mind. It felt like someone had flicked a switch in my mind and now a projector was showing me all the things I truly did miss about being with Edward. The sad part was not a single one of these memories contained Edward; maybe, because all of those memories have been threaded with lies and deceit or maybe because I couldn't stand to remember how great they made me feel.

Sighing, Alec ran a hand through his hair.

"It's complicated." He said, "You don't really need to know, I mean you don't even have to talk to them if you don't want to, I can do all the talking."

"I want to know." I told him, looking him confidently in the eyes causing him to run a hand through his hair again.

"Edward has been breaking a few rules. We believe he might have told humans about our existence." Alec explained. "There are a few other small things that I also need to talk about but that is restricted information."

"The others aren't in trouble then?" I asked.

"No, not as far as I know." Alec answered before glancing out the window and leaning across and securing my seat belt. I looked at him quizzically, making him chuckle. "We'll be landing soon and vampires should still wear seat belts."

"You're not wearing yours." I pointed out, a small smile on my face.

He grinned back at me, "But there's a difference." He insisted.

I watched him with raised eye brows, "And what's that then?"

"I'm awesome." He said, opening up with book again, I rolled my eyes and starred out the window to see Port Angeles.

When I walked out the airport, hand in hand with Alec, the last thing I had expected to see was Alice Cullen standing with her hands on her hips and her Gucci purse handing down her side. My eyes went wide as the full force of her glare was directed at me. I moved closer to Alec. Shaking my head, I forced myself to ignore her; I hadn't done anything wrong. Edward had. Alec pulled me toward the car park only to have her cut off our path.

The deathly silent, tension rippled between us. I couldn't quite bring myself to look her in the eyes. Her big, golden eyes. Now was not the time to rethink my diet, I told myself and I mustered all of my courage.

"We're going to need to get past." I said, my voice lacking any tone or emotion the opposite of the whirl wind inside my mind. This was the girl who I'd once thought of as my sister, the girl I thought loved me and was my best friend. However, this was also the girl that left me and never bothered to say goodbye, the girl that turned her back on me. This was the girl who didn't care that her brother shattered my heart into a thousand pieces.

Alice's eyes seemed to pierce mine with a cold intensity that made me want to shrivel up and hide, the only thing that stopped me was Alec's hand in mine, his thumb rubbing gentle circles into my hand.

"Why are you here?" She hissed at us even though the look on her face seemed like she was greeting an old friend. The look on her face had given me a brief hope that she wasn't this horrible person but then I realised she just didn't want to cause a scene.

I looked up at Alec, hoping he would handle the situation for me, no matter how much she seemed to have changed I didn't want to be the one to tell her we were here for Edward.

"It's nothing to do with you, now me and Bella will be heading off now." Alec said, pulling me along and past Alice or at least he went past Alice. I cringed as she grabbed my arm.

"I cannot believe you've done this, Bella." She growled her voice too low for the humans passing to pick it up. "You just get up and leave one day, breaking Edward's heart and now you come back acting all in love with… with… that!" She exclaimed the last part with a large gesture toward Alec. She shook her head at me, like a disapproving mother looking at a naughty child, as I wretched my arm from her grip.

"I broke his heart!" I yelled, close to hysterics. My chest heaved as a flicker of pain caused me to slam my eyes shut, praying that I wouldn't go through everything again. That I wouldn't show Alice everything he'd done to me. When my chest finally returned to a normal rhythm of expanding and deflating and the few shreds of pain left my system I opened my eyes and glared at her. My eyes brimmed with venom tears. "He broke my heart, Alice." I muttered, taking a deep breath and turning back to an extremely concerned Alec. "I'm fine, really." I told him anticipating the question yet to pass from his lips.

He shook his head and pulled me closer to him.

"I should kill him for the pain he caused Bella." Alec growled, squeezing my hand. I wasn't sure if he was squeezing my hand to comfort me or to stop him losing his temper or both.

"She broke up with him!" Alice said, with an over dramatic sigh. "How is that not her fault?"

"W- What?" I said, choking on my words. "E- He broke up with me!" I screamed, not caring about the crowd that had now appeared around us. "He ruined my life, forced me to become this!"

Alec held me tightly against his side as he started pulling me toward the car park again. "Leave us alone for now, Alice. We'll be in touch." He said, and rubbed my arm gently.

I took shaky breaths as he led me over to a huge, silver, Jeep Wrangler. It towered over me, and I blinked taking in the strange black tube like thing on the wide of the window screen.

"It's a snorkel." Alec told me and opened the passenger door for me. I looked at him with raised eyes brows before getting in; I didn't have the mental capacity to worry about weird gadgets on cars at the moment. I cut all thoughts of the conversation with Alice from my mind. I didn't need to worry about that now, or ever. She'd left me, just like Edward had. She had been my best friend and she didn't know me well enough to realise I would never have left Edward.

I looked over at Alec as he placed the key in the ignition and patted the dashboard lovingly.

"Hallo das boot." He smiled a gleam in his eyes. "du bist schön." He sighed, a dreamy look taking over his expression.

"Please, tell me you're not talking to the car." I said, shaking my head at him and not understanding a word of what he said, except maybe 'hallo'. "This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, I don't speak car."

Alec chuckled, the dream like haze disappearing from his expression as he turned to me. "I was talking German not car." He grinned. "And there is nothing wrong with talking to a car." He insisted, causing me to roll my eyes. Maybe he was secretly as crazy as me.

"Cause not." I said, sarcastically. "What did you say exactly?" I asked, curious.

Still chuckling, Alec answered my question. "Hello das boot, you're beautiful." He said.

"Das boot?" I repeated.

"It means the boat, you know because he has a snorkel?" He said, "Kind of like a submarine."

"You realize this is only a car right? You didn't need to name it. It can't talk back or understand you." I said, a small smile finding its way onto may face as I tried to not laugh at him.

Alec started stroking the car again; only it was steering wheel this time. "nicht auf sie hören." He whispered, "sie weiß nicht, was sie spricht, Schätzchen." He continued, sending me a playful glare and I fell into fits of giggles. (Don't listen to her, She doesn't know what she's talking about sweetie.)

"Do I need to get you a doctor?" I questioned, stifling my laughter as he shook his head insistently.

"No, my love for das boot is perfectly normal and he is not an it, das boot is a boy." He said.

"Does that make you gay?" I asked, unable to stifle the laugh fighting its way past my lips.

"No. It does not." Alec practically growled. "Wie kann ich sein, wenn ich dich liebe?" (How can I be when I love you?)

I sighed dramatically. "You realize I don't speak German, right?" I said, causing him to grin widely reminding me somewhat of the Cheshire cat from Alice in wonderland.

"That's the whole point." He beamed as he put the car in reverse and started to head out of the car park.

I leaned back in the seat relaxing and staring out the window as the familiar pitter-patter of rain filled my ears and single droplets of water landed on the window, each one finding its own staggered pathway down the glass until it disappeared or collided with another droplet. I smiled as I watched the droplets create patterns on the window. Rain had never seemed this beautiful before; all it had ever been was cold and wet, now it was mesmerising.

Awhile later a car's horn broke me out of my trance, I blinked taking in the buildings around me. "We're not in Forks." I stated, confused. "I thought we were here to see Edward."

"We are but as we will more than likely be here for a few days and I thought you would like to have somewhere to stay. I didn't think you'd want to be around Forks with the Cullen's here." He said. His voice hardened when he mentioned the Cullen's and I was surprised at how sweet he was being. I had never really expected anyone to understand how much thinking of them, how even the memories of them, hurt me. "And I couldn't risk people recognizing you." Alec said, ruining the moment.

"You know for a moment there I thought you were being really sweet." I sighed, shaking my head.

"I am sweet but I'm also practical." He told me as he rounded a corner and pulled up in front of a hotel. He got out the car, grinning and walked over to side of the car. I opened the door before he could and slid out the car, it was raised just slightly too high for me to be able to reach the floor straight away.

I watched him, cautiously as he moved toward me still wearing his grin. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked. As if to answer my question he moved forward and lifted me into his arms, bridal style. "What the hell? Put me down." I said, wriggling in his arms.

He shook his head and headed toward the entrance. "Shush, relax." He whispered into my ear, to anyone else it would have looked like he'd whispered a secret or something sweet. I relaxed in his arms not seeing any point in arguing, it would only cause a scene and I didn't really want to draw any attention to us.

I glanced up at the receptionist as Alec stopped in front of her desk. "Hello, what can I do for you?" She smiled at us.

"We have a room reservation." Alec told her, she nodded and flicked a switch on her computer.

"Under what name is the reservation?" She inquired, glancing back up at us and I could see a hint of jealously in her eyes. I bit my lip forcing myself not to tell her we weren't together but there would be no point and I liked being this close to Alec.

"Volturi." He answered, leaning down and kissing the top of my head, I raised my eyebrows at him. What on earth was he doing? The girl tapped away on her keyboard after letting out a quiet, annoyed huff that only a vampire would have been able to hear.

"Sorry, it hasn't come up." She told Alec, looking up to meet his eyes. "We have one or two rooms available still; shall I put you in a room with two singles?" She asked, obviously hoping he would say yes. Just before I could answer Alec shook his head.

"Is there anything else available?" He asked, causing me to raise my eyebrows at him again. What was he planning?

"There's only the honey moon suit available I'm afraid." She told him and started typing again.

"The singles are-" I started to tell her we would take the singled but Alec cut me off.

"We'll take the honeymoon suit." He said, flashing a brilliant white smile at her.

The girl had huffed and made it clear she wasn't comfortable with his decision but booked the room and logged the credit card information before handing Alec the key. Alec was still grinning as he stepped out the elevator still carrying me.

"Why won't you put me down?" I asked.

"Just close your eyes and trust me." He insisted, a playful tone in his voice. I did as he asked but a thread of worry ran through me.

"This better be worth it." I told him.

"It will be. I have an amazing surprise for you." He said and I heard the door to the room open before I felt Alec's arms disappear from beneath me. I tumbled to the floor and as I landed my eyes flew open and I glared up at him.

"What the hell?" I started to yell at Alec, when suddenly I heard another voice come from inside the room.

"Damn, I missed the wedding?" The voice was familiar and my head snapped to the side to see Jasper lying across the bed, that handsome Texas smirk on his face.

I gulped, you couldn't outrun Alice even for a few hours no matter how much you wanted to, I should have known.

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><p><strong>Authors Note: So what do you think? <strong>

**Thank you jasper-emmett-lover for beta-ing this.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Why are you here?" Alec demanded, stepping over me. His muscles tensed ready to attack defend at any moment.

"Alice called and told me to wait for you two here and I quote, 'make sure you didn't do anything." Jasper smiled and sat up on the bed. "It's nice to see you again, Bella."

Quickly, I got to my feet and stepped around Alec. Jasper hadn't changed an inch, he had the same blonde hair except now I could slight highlights in it, and he had the same shiny, gold eyes that were currently staring into my blood red ones. I looked down at my feet, ashamed. At least in Volterra no one judged me, I hadn't wanted to kill the girl. I'd lost control.

"Enjoying human blood?" Jasper asked, he sounded genuinely curious. "I remember what it was like to drink human blood…" He trailed off as a ravenous look crossed his features. "That was a long time ago." I hadn't known that Jasper used to drink human blood; I'd been told he had less control than the others but not that he was a murderer.

Shaking my head, I mentally rolled my eyes at myself, I was judging Jasper after being annoyed with him for judging me. I'd done what he did and there was a part of me, a big part of me, which wanted to do it again, and again. "I don't particularly like drinking human blood but I don't have a choice in the matter."

Jasper nodded, looking at Alec who had calmed down which was probably Jaspers doing. "Why are you here? I know it's to do with us, we're the only coven of vampires for over a hundred miles."

"We need to talk to Edward and if you try to stop us, I have no problem with killing any of you." Alec said, calmly. If he was human I would have said he sounded like a psychopath but a vampires instinct was to kill, I couldn't say he was insane for something that was natural, could I?

Rolling his eyes, Jasper smirked. "I think we both know who would win a fight between us, Alec. You even think about hurting me or my wife, I will kill you. I don't have a problem with killing either."

Shifting uncomfortably, Alec turned back to face me. "Maybe, you should go for a walk Bella?" He suggested. I looked at him confused, why would I want to go for a walk? Did he want me out the way so he and Jasper could have a fight to the death, I shivered. That was a horrible thought.

"I'm fine here." I stated, crossing my arms over my chest. As much as Edward had hurt me, I couldn't let his family suffer because I was bitter. I had to stay and make sure no one killed each other.

Alice finally walked into the room then, she seemed to have calmed down a bit now. "Hello." She smiled, walking into Jasper's open arms. "Have you finally decided to cooperate and tell me why you're here to talk to Edward?"

"I need to ask him some questions." Alec said. "You'll find out when we ask him tomorrow." He said. "Now if you'd be kind enough to leave, it would be much appreciated." He smiled politely and gestured for them to exit through the door.

"I don't want Bella coming to the house." Alice stated, "He was heartbroken when she left him for you." Alice hissed, narrowing her eyes at Alec. "He shouldn't have to go through that again."

"First of all, Alec and I are not together. Secondly, Edward broke up with me; Alec and Felix have been helping me go through being broken hearted so if you thought he was hurt he must be a good actor." I snapped, losing my temper. That seemed to happen too much now I was a vampire; someone only had to say one small thing to provoke me. "Leave." I hissed, how many times would I have to tell Alice before she realised Edward was in the wrong, not me.

Alice glared at me and opened her mouth to say something but was stopped when Jasper placed a hand on her shoulder. "She's telling the truth." Jasper said, gently. "Edward really did hurt her." I saw the guilt on Alice's face immediately.

"He broke up with you?" Alice said, in a small voice. "He lied to me?"

I simply nodded, in response. I wasn't enjoying this reminder of my old life; my chest felt like it was in flames and it was all because of Edward. Jaspers fixated stare was starting to freak me out when I realised he could feel how I felt.

"Alice, I don't think it's smart for Bella to talk about this. Things have happened we don't understand, let's go talk to Edward. Talk to Bella tomorrow." Jasper said, I wasn't sure whether he was doing this to spare me the pain or spare himself. I knew I wouldn't wish the pain on my worst enemy but Jasper was used to pain, wasn't he?

A look was shared between the two vampires and then they both turned to face Alec who had remained extremely quiet until now. "We expect we'll see you tomorrow morning to sort this all out?" Alice said, flashing him a brilliant white smile that seemed to glow, I'd never noticed how bright her smile was now. Maybe it was because she had been human last time she had seen her, vampires were designed to seduce humans into being their prey. Seduce wasn't the right word, trap maybe but definitely not seduce. A vampire seducing you implied something romantic or gentle; I had learnt vampires were rarely either.

Alec simply nodded in their direction and waited for them to leave, which they did immediately. I didn't think it was possible for even a vampire to move that fast, I barely saw them leave. The door was slammed behind them by Alec who quickly took me into his arms. I looked up at him, confused. What was he doing?

"Do you want to know what that surprise was?" Alec asked me, which only confused me more. Surely he should be explaining the whole Edward thing to me and how we were meant to deal with everything. "Please can I show you what the surprise was?" He pleaded.

"Yes." I said, curious. It was obviously important to him.

For the second time Alec's lips descended onto to mine, his lips caressed mine in loving embrace. His arms wrapped around me like a silk sheet and I melted into him and his kiss. My vision was foggy after he pulled back and I had no idea how much time had passed, a second? A minute?

"Surprise." Alec smiled at me, "I just wanted you to know that I like you and if you like me too you shouldn't let Caius stand in our way. But I understand what Edward did hurt you, I just want you to tell me how you feel honestly." He said and my mind turned into a whirlwind.

Did I like Alec him like that? I knew I craved his attention and more than anything I wanted him to like me and be my friend. For some reason his opinion meant a lot to me even when I had barely known him. Felix had called us lovers from our first meeting, maybe he had seen something I hadn't? Maybe I was too obsessed with Edward to see how good and kind Alec truly was.

"Bella?" Alec said gently, he looked vulnerable. I'd never seen Alec like this before and I couldn't bear to let him feel like that, I knew my answer instantly.  
>"I like you a lot but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a real relationship." I told him honestly, he smiled at me. His whole face lighting up, it was as if he was a small kid on Christmas morning.<p>

"Why don't we just see how things go?" He smiled, "I won't push you."

"I'd like that." I told him, honestly. "I'd like that a lot."

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><p><em>Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value.<em>

_Albert Einstein_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I was silent during the car journey to the Cullen's house; I'd travelled the same roads hundreds of times over the past year or so and yet even though I'd only been gone around a month everything about it felt foreign. The trees were slightly darker, more hunched like they were reaching down to grab me. The tree's arms reached over the car, caging us in, we could only go forward. There was no room to turn around.

Alec's hand rested on top of mine, gently and silently giving me the support I needed, he believed I could do this. He believed in me, he trusted me; something Edward had never done. I shook my head trying to rid myself of thoughts of Edward though I don't know why I bothered. The house was in view by now and seeing _him_ was unavoidable, if I passed out, I passed out. He would finally see what he had done to me.

I tried blinking to clear my mind, my eyes widened and I clutched my throat. Blood. I was thirsty and there was a human very close. I hadn't been prepared for this, at least at the hotel I had known what to expect but now I was completely off guard with one hand I clutched the dashboard in front of me, trying not to crush it. Why was a human here and why did said human smell so familiar?

"They've found another pet." Alec muttered, and then sent a panicked look toward me; he'd obviously meant to keep that to himself. "I didn't mean anything against you Bella." He said, quickly in case I had somehow taken some kind of offense from it. "It's just they have a human with them…"

"I know." I whispered back, giving his hand a light squeeze, I'd been replaced. I'd only been gone two months or so but in that time I'd created a whole new life for myself how could I judge them for moving on? Or at least I could judge Edward, the rest of his family deserved happiness; he should have been honest with his family. It had hurt when they shut me out, they were like the family I never had. I finally had a mother to look after me and sisters who cared, crazy brothers who constantly played pranks, their family was more normal than my human one. I didn't have either family now though. The Volturi were my family, if you could call them that. The only people who seemed to really care about me was Alec and Felix if you didn't count Caius's creepy obsession.

Sighing, I squeezed Alec's hand again, taking strength from his presence as he parked in front of the oversized white house. Nothing had changed from the outside but something told me the people inside had.

The front door was slightly askew, Carlisle stood leaning against the doorframe, he looked as brilliant as ever and yet I could tell he was stressed. He muscled tensed slightly, his eyes scanning the car as if we were about to attack. It felt like he was watching a wild animal prone to attacking for no particular reason, I felt a pain of anger go through me but it was soon replaced by hurt. Why would he think that? I wouldn't hurt him. That wasn't why we were here.

It was only then that I realised Carlisle looked angry, I let out a low growl as he headed toward the car; he had no right to be angry at us. I was fully prepared to tell Carlisle how pathetic this all was when he started speaking.

"I'm really sorry about this Bella, Edward is getting rid of her now." He sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair that seemed to reflect the light. What did he mean get rid of her? That's when it clicked in my mind, the human must have been Edward's new girlfriend or pet as Alec had put it before. I cringed, gripping Alec's hand hard, part of me wondered if you could break a vampire's bones. I was about to find out.

I realised Carlisle was waiting for me to reply then. "Oh...I-It's okay." I stammered out, glad that I couldn't blush because if I could I would have. "I didn't expect any humans to be here." I said quietly, looking into his golden eyes. Instantly, I felt guilty. Thoughts of the girl I'd killed flashed through my mind, so maybe I hadn't killed her but I'd drained her and it was horrible. They'd like Carlisle drink from animals when he was with them why wouldn't they let me? The memories of the girl were bringing back my thirst, I'd practically been starving myself since the change, I couldn't bear to kill anyone else; I refused to.

"Neither did I." Carlisle said, he sounded sincere enough, and I believed him. "Edward promised me he wouldn't bring her round again after- why don't we get you inside and we can talk properly." He suggested, as if he was suddenly remembering who he was talking to. There was strange sadness about him, his eyes didn't seem quite as bright as they used to and he wasn't wearing the stunning smile that made people turn their heads to look at him. He seemed hollow.

"Bella can't." Alec interrupted then, moving his hand from mine, making me realise that I was still clutching it. "Not with a human inside, she hasn't fed. She's starving." He told Carlisle, "Unless you don't think the human will be missed." He added with a smile and suddenly I could barely remember what I'd seen in Alec. He didn't look like the kind, sweet Alec I cared for.

"I'm not starving and I'm not going to kill whoever it is." I hissed at Alec, annoyed. He'd expressed his distaste for my lack of appetite before but never as bluntly. "I'm just stretching out each feeding." I told Carlisle who was now sported a concerned frown.

"Maybe you should hunt Bella." He suggested, "I could come with you, we'd stay local just until Jessica leaves." Did he just say Jessica? As in the Jessica I'd gone to school with, the one Edward found annoying, she was with Edward. I forced myself to calm down, everything was fine, I didn't care about Edward anymore. I had a new life, I was a completely different person, or least that's what I was trying to convince myself.

"I think that's a good idea." I replied, quickly at least I could be sure Carlisle meant animal blood and maybe the space would help me think and figure out a sensible way to react to this. "Are you going to come with us?" I asked, turning my head to look at Alec though I already knew his answer, no matter what he'd always prefer human blood. I couldn't blame him, human blood was a phenomenal sensation and that's all he'd ever drunk, but I couldn't bare the idea of taking away someone's life, I wasn't god. I had no right.

"No, I'll stay here and make sure he gets rid of the h-Jessica." Alec said, changing what he was going to say at the last minute. "I should hope she doesn't know what we are." He said, giving Carlisle a pointed look.

"She doesn't." Carlisle said, with a surprising iciness to his voice as he pulled open the door to the car. "Come on, Bella." He said, offering me his hand to help me out the car, I couldn't help but smile. I didn't need help anymore, gracefully I jumped down out of the car. "I'm going to have to remember you're not clumsy anymore." He smiled at me. The casual conversation between us made me feel like nothing had changed but I knew it had so did he, though knowing my luck he would have believed Edward's version of events too.

Turning back, I smiled at Alec. "I'll see you in a bit." I said, it felt strange not to have a member of the volturi around me; most of the time Alec or Felix were around and if not Caius would turn up by 'coincidence'. Alec simply smiled back and got out the car then without another word he headed into the house, I couldn't help but feel a little hurt; he'd been so sweet last night. I shook my head, I was over reacting, this was work, kind of, he needed to be profession or at least that's what I told myself.

Carlisle's hand was gently placed on my arm then, pulling me out of my thoughts, I was staring after Alec like a lost puppy which wasn't good. I was meant to be stronger now, I wasn't meant to need anyone though that felt pretty impossible to achieve.

"We'll stay close, there should be plenty of deer around this time of year and you can't tell me you're not thirsty." He told me and started walking toward the forest after one effortless leap over the river; I mimicked his actions finding my jumps went a lot further than his and nearly smacking into a tree, lucky I had good reflexes now. I was surprised when he didn't start running but then I realised he wanted to talk, this couldn't be good. "When was the last time you fed Bella?" He asked me, his golden eyes locked on my crimson ones.

Thinking back, I cringed at how long it had been, it just made my throat burn. "I fed a couple of weeks ago." I answered him, realising I could already hear the animals running around the forest.

I became aware of Carlisle studying me then, "A newborn is usually so uncontrolled, they usually have very little willpower over their thirst." He mused. "But you seem to be completely different, are you as strong as a normal newborn?" He asked, curious. This conversation felt all too familiar, Caius had commented on how special I was, how I wasn't a normal newborn.

"I'm stronger than a normal newborn." I told him, recalling what Caius had said though I'd rather not revisit that day again. "And I remember everything about my human life." I informed him, trying to keep all emotion out of my voice; I didn't want to have a breakdown here.

"Would you mind if I asked you a personal question Bella?" Carlisle asked, with what appeared to be a guilty expression, what did he have to feel guilty about? I shook my head, motioning for him to continue not trusting my voice to keep my panic hidden. "Why did you leave us? I understand you and Edward didn't want to be with each other anymore but we had grown to love you like family." He said, and now I realised it hadn't been guilt on his face it had been sadness, an expression I had rarely seen on Carlisle's face.

"Edward told me not to." I answered honestly; I couldn't help but tell him the truth. He deserved to know and I was getting better at dealing with my thoughts of Edward, it wasn't like I could avoid him here anyway. "When he broke up with me he told me he didn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't cope with that so I asked the volturi to kill me or change me. I thought if they changed me I wouldn't remember any of this, that it wouldn't hurt anymore." The words but I was wrong seemed to hang in the air between us. It was then Carlisle did two things I had not expected.

He leant forward and pulled me into a comforting embrace and said. "I'm sorry about the way he treated you Bella. I knew there was something wrong with his story, you're not the type of girl to act like that. I'm sorry I didn't help you." He said, I looked up at him and once again he felt like my second father. I couldn't cope with this, I'd only have it all ripped away from me again but before I could say anything he'd pulled away and changed the subject.

"Come on, there is herd of deer a dozen meters or so north." He told me and with that he was off running. I took a deep breath and followed him, at least hunting was a distraction from all this.

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><p><strong>Authors note: I'm sorry for my lack of updating but what do you think?<strong>

_Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it._

_George Santayana (1863 - 1952)_


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Carlisle and I were both smiling and laughing when we walked back into the house an hour or so later, I'd missed this, having a family. It wasn't the same as before though, after whatever needed to be done here was over I'd have to go again, I was part of the Volturi now and the thought created a familiar sick feeling in my stomach. He was halfway through his retelling of Jasper and Rosalie's fight, it wasn't like some of the fights that had happened back in Volterra, no one was killed, and it was just to vent their anger, Jasper had dented Rose's new car and she hadn't exactly been too pleased, it was then that I came face to face with Edward.

All my breath was knocked out of me momentarily, I quickly composed myself. He was still as handsome as ever, his copper locks in a crumpled mess around his head, his golden eyes, his tall lean figure, it was all the same just in more vivid detail than before thanks to my new improved vision, I couldn't quite decide if this was a good thing or not. "Bella." He said, his voice was cold, and it broke me out of my trance, this wasn't the same Edward I'd loved and that thought made it somewhat easier for me.

"Edward." I nodded, curtly before scanning the room for Alec. Where is he? I could smell him, I knew he was in the house so I tried to listen to the movement around the house to locate him. It was only when Carlisle gave me a small nudge I realised I was frozen in the doorway. "Sorry." I muttered, and stepped further into the house and closer to Edward.

"Well, I think we all need to have a long talk." Carlisle said, giving Edward a look of disappointment. He believed me, Carlisle believed me over his son. It made my heart swell; maybe I hadn't lost my family completely.

It only took five minutes to get all the Cullen's assembled in one room; it seemed everyone had waited for this, Carlisle sat at the head of the table with Alec opposite him. The Cullen's and myself filled the remaining seats around the table, thankfully Esme took the seat to my right, she made me feel comfortable like Carlisle did, I'm not sure I would have coped if Edward had chosen to sit next to me. I felt someone squeeze my hand, Alec, trying to comfort me, he smiled at me apologetically as if he knew he was about to do something wrong. Any comfort I'd previously felt disappeared now, what was he going to do? Did he know something I didn't or did he just know this was going to be hard for me? Though I wished it was the latter and I had feeling it wasn't that.

"Right," Carlisle said standing up. "It seems as if we haven't given Bella the benefit of the doubt, I think it's only fair we hear her version of events. I have a feeling Alec and Bella may be here for a while and it'll be easier on all of us if we can put this all to rest." He said then nodded to me as if he expected me to stand up and make some great speech. I felt like my stomach had coiled into a huge knot, how was I meant to do this? Everyone was watching me, even Alec, and I knew that if I was a human I would have blushed.

Pushing myself up from my chair, I felt a wave of calm wash over me, I'd forgotten how helpful Jasper could be sometimes. "I know you think I left Edward then ran to Italy but that's not what happened." I forced myself to say, I forced myself to look at the wall rather than my shoes as I said this, I didn't want to admit it but I was terrified of saying this while Edward was here. "Edward." The name was forced from my mouth and I felt a horribly familiar pain wash through me, Jasper cursed silently from the other end of the table. "Edward left me." I said, trying to ignore the pain that was growing worse by the second. I felt shaky on my feet, so much for being a new person. "I couldn't cope." I admitted and I felt pathetic as I said it, "I didn't know how to live without him so I ran to Italy. They changed me and accepted me as part of the guard." I told them, they didn't need to know quite how well I had been accepted by some members of the Volturi.

"Liar." Edward spat from the other end of the table, he was sitting next to Jasper who did something I never expected him to. He grabbed Edward by the throat and slammed him down into the floor, the wooden chair shattered to pieces beneath Edward. No one in the room moved to stop Jasper as he smashed Edward into a wall, I didn't know how I should feel about this. Happy that Edward was finally getting some kind of punishment for what he put me through? Sad that the person I once loved had become this horrible selfish person? Shocked at how angry Jasper was?

Growls erupted from Jasper's chest as he released Edward letting him drop to the ground before sitting back down in his chair. "Sorry." He muttered, it was obvious he didn't mean for hurting Edward, more for breaking Esme's furniture. "Bella's telling the truth." He said, more clearly this time and looked up at me, he offered me half a smile then turned to Esme. "I'll replace the chair." I could tell from the way Esme was tensed next to me she wasn't pleased and not just because a chair had been crushed into tiny pieces.  
>"Well, Edward. What do you have to say for yourself?" Esme asked, anger and disappointment showing on her face, it was showing on all of the Cullen's faces, well nearly all, and I felt guilty it seemed as if I was taking his family from him, I knew how that felt.<p>

"How do we even know she's telling the truth?" Rosalie demanded, suddenly. "Sure Jasper believes her but why should we?" She asked, causing Jasper to growl again.

"If you could feel what I did a minute ago you wouldn't question if she was telling the truth or not, Rose. I haven't felt pain like that in a long time." Jasper said, somewhat calmer now, as he forced himself not to attack another family member. "I'm going for a walk." He said, and then disappeared from the room; I couldn't blame him because he was doing exactly what I wanted to do. Run. Alec tugged on my hand then, I hadn't realised I was still standing and quickly dropped down into my seat.

Everyone went silent, something which would have been normal in Volterra but here it felt wrong. I scanned the faces of the people around the table, Esme's was clouded with disappointment, Emmett wore a simple frown no immense reaction shown until you noticed his balled fists under the table and something told me his anger was directed at Edward, Rose looked pissed but she'd always seemed that way around me; I had that effect on her, and Alice, well she looked like she was about to have a breakdown. My eyes were drawn to Carlisle next and what I saw made my stomach twist, he was looking at me like a victim though I was sat here destroying his home and disrupting his family. I couldn't fathom how he could muster up the selflessness to feel sorry for me right now, I hadn't wanted to out Edward to his family before but now it was starting to feel like a healing process for me, a healing process that involved banishing Edward's happiness. Carlisle had worked so long to get the loving family he wanted and now I was ripping it away for what? My pride or my revenge?

Alec spoke up, dragging me out of my self-destructive thoughts, this wasn't my fault. It was Edwards. Edward could have stopped this all by just explaining things properly to everyone.

"I think we should all get back to the matter of why we're here rather than talk about this trivial family crisis." Alec stated, sending me an apologetic glance, he needed to complete whatever task we were sent here to do, I understood that what I didn't understand was how he could think something as huge as this was trivial. I could tell I wasn't the only thinking this from the scowl Alec received from Emmett and Alice.

"Trivial?" Alice repeated in a hiss, her sides seemed to have clearly changed since the night before her chair had even been shuffled away from where Edward had previously sat, I wondered why Edward hadn't stormed out yet. "You think something that could potentially break up my family is trivial?!" She growled, her fists clenched, it was around now that Jasper would usually calm her down with a gently brush of his hand or a calm smile, he didn't need his gift when it came to Alice but from the slightly worried look on Alec's face I got the impression he might need Jasper's gift to calm her down.

"Maybe, trivial was the wrong word. What I mean is there are more pressing matters." Alec said, his calm mask was back in place, the one I'd seen him wear many a time when in the presence of Aro, Marcus or Caius, though it was usually Caius. "We came here to discuss the matter of your diet."

Carlisle rose from his chair, "We will not swap out diet." He said, not giving Alec a chance to continue. "It bears no effect on the Volturi if anything it makes us less of a threat." He said, his shoulders sagged slightly, he seemed worn out, I hadn't seen a vampire look like that before and now it was my turn to look at him like he was a victim and he was.

"That is true except I'm not sure you've all been keeping to this diet." Alec said, I let out a gasp which made Emmett chuckle, why hadn't he told me this? "You see, we have reason to believe one of you had strayed from this diet a little too often and is now risking exposure of our race." Carlisle had sunk into his chair again.

"And which one of us is this?" Carlisle asked though I think we all had a pretty good idea. I was torn between thinking it was Jasper knowing how he fought for control and thinking it was Edward who'd been wearing contacts since I'd arrived, I'd never thought it important until now.

"Edward Cullen." Alec said, a growl erupted from said Cullen's chest. "You lying son of a-" Edward's speech was cut off as his launched body smacked into Alec and they both landed on the floor except by the time they hit the floor Alec had paralysed Edward. I covered my mouth watching and I felt cool arms embrace me, Esme.

"I think you should get some air Bella, this isn't good for you to see. Alice can go with you." Even after all the trouble I'd caused today Esme was still mothering me and my heart swelled with warmth, I really had missed that. Shaking my head I move toward the door, Alec could handle himself, the Cullens wouldn't hurt him and Esme was right this wasn't good for me. My fight or flight instincts had kicked in and flight was winning, again.

Alice was rising from her seat but I shook my head at her, I needed to be alone for what I was about to do. I took a deep breath not sure if I could even pull it off before rushing out the door without a uttering a single word.

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><p><strong>Authors note: I had half of this written and uncompleted for ages but I just couldn't think of how to end it but I've finally done it. Sorry about any horrific errors or mistakes toward the end I'm half asleep and I know there are things I've missed but I just needed to get this out of my system before all my inspiration escaped me again and ran off with the fairies. Thanks for reading.<strong>

_An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. _

_Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I was sitting in the tree outside my old bedroom window when Charlie pulled up in the cruiser, I wasn't stupid, I knew I couldn't talk to him but I needed to see him. My throat burned as I watched him and I knew this wasn't a risk I should be taking, not with my father's life on the line but I needed to see how he was, I needed proof that I'd done what was best for the both of us and watching him now I wasn't so sure. His shoulders hunched, his feet dragged, his whole demeanour reflected that of a broken man and I suddenly felt compelled to talk to him, apologise, explain. I had to. I needed to or else he'd be this forever just like I was now stuck as I was forever. He needed to know as much as I needed to tell him, get it off my chest. I couldn't have lived as a human any longer; I couldn't cope with the fear, the pain, and the memories. It had all been too much, it was still too much but at least now I had something inside me that longed for something more than I had longed for Edward and the past. My blood lust. The one thing I'd hated about being a vampire before, the one thing I should hate now was saving me. When I'd turned I'd kept my memories, the pain was amplified and I hadn't really come to terms with it until now.

But needing something controlling you to be able to survive is a big thing to take in, could it be replaced with anything? Could I have found a better alternative? And what would happen if I finally managed to control my blood lust completely, would I have to find something new to focus on?

It was raining now, I was soaked, but I didn't care instead of moving I simply leant back against the tree and watched my dad slump around the house silently and absently. The television was off, no sound came from the house except his shallow breaths, he was the shell of the man I'd known. He'd always been quiet but this was different, this was my biggest regret but I couldn't change it in order to keep him safe I had to keep away. I understood this more than ever now, getting mixed up with vampires didn't end well, not for yourself or for the ones you loved. My own life was still gradually falling apart and it had all begun with vampires but his didn't have to, he could move on, live again. Go back to the way thing were before. Before I came to Forks and changed things, and before I ruined everything.

Even to my own mind my thoughts seemed melodramatic but there had been other options, I could have avoided this, I could have tried to make it work. As I sat in the tree coming up with options that wouldn't have worked in action even if they did in theory, a truck pulled up. The stink filled my nostrils and made me want to gag but I didn't move, I didn't care or know what it was. The rain was bouncing off me now, me and my clothes were too waterlogged to absorb anything else.

"Bella." The name didn't take me out of my trance. I could have just ran away, sent him letters, that would have been better for him, and mum. "Isabella." I should have tried to explain to him before I'd left then he'd be okay now, he would have understood. "Bella Swan." The tree shook. I could have pretended to just move away and found a way to communicate with him while a vampire. There was a warm body next to me, a scorching hot body, my nostrils flared and I raised an arm to slash at whomever or whatever had broken me away from my self-loathing thoughts.

"J-Ja.. Jake." I stammered out, shit. This wasn't meant to happen, how would I explain this? Charlie couldn't know, I could do this to him again. I didn't get a chance to say anything though because Jacob started his own speech.

"You can't be here Bella. It'll kill you." He told me. "You are not safe here." He spoke in short sentences as if he were telling a small child not to run into the road, as if every sentence needed a minute to sink into my mind. "If you kill someone I can't and won't protect you, I can't do it anymore."

"If I what!?" I shrieked, horrified at the idea; images of the girl I'd drained before flashing before my eyes. I saw the smirk on Jane's face, and the girl's limp body in my arms, the excitement and thrill of feeding. Would it have been better if I hadn't enjoyed it; if I hadn't loved it?

"I know what you are Bella, one of them. A bloodsucker. Charlie doesn't deserve to his daughter as a monster, he's better off not meeting you like this." I was stunned into silence, how did he know? Why did he stink and why didn't I want to drain him?

The main thing on my mind though, the thing that currently powered me and drove me as I launched myself at him, was anger. How dare he tell me I was a monster. I hadn't meant to kill the girl, I didn't want to kill Charlie; I just wanted to live. I wanted to be happy. In less than a second we'd hit the ground and Jake wasn't Jake anymore, before me stood a wolf baring his teeth and growling.

My instincts took over, fight or flight, and once again I did the only thing I could, the weaker thing. I took the last resort of a predator. I ran. I ran as fast I could toward Alec, toward my new family, my new home, my new protect and my new love. I needed him and I knew in my gut that he'd save me no matter what the consequence and at the moment being saved was all I could think about because I knew I couldn't take on Jake, not alone.

**Author Notes: Ta Da! I had mock exams. For once I actually have a valid excuse.**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Jake didn't follow me but I never made it to Alec, I ran into Jasper first.

"I'm sorry." Were the first words from his mouth, "I really am but I couldn't stay any longer, Bella." He looked sad, disappointed even but I didn't think he needed to feel either.

"I understand why you left, I know that pain. It hurts." It was the understatement of the century but he knew what it felt like and I didn't want to explain it, that would be as bad as reliving it.

Jasper spoke before I could say anything else. "How do you bear it? It was…" He paused searching for the correct word, "Hideous. I haven't felt pain like that since the war." He told me, what war? He must have seen the confusion on my face because he continued. "Before I found Alice, I was with a vampire named Maria. We were together, in a way and she had me help her build an army. At first she'd kill the newborns after the first year but for me she made an exception, my power was too great for her to lose." It was becoming apparent to me that Jasper paused a lot when he spoke or at least when spoke about something serious. "I killed for her, I killed vampires that attacked us and I killed the vampires who got too old or weak, some of them greeted death willingly. Others did not. It was the ones that didn't who suffered the most, and I could feel all of it."

"Jasper-" I tried to interrupt but he wouldn't let me, he raised a hand to stop me.

"Let me finish." Jasper said, he was still wearing a mask of calmness. "It was the same pain you feel. That pain you feel is what death feels like for a vampire. The reason I walked out was because I didn't want Edward to understand the pain he'd caused you, he didn't deserve the satisfaction."

"You didn't have to tell me that." I told him, I could tell it had taken a lot for him to tell me.

He gave me half a smile, "I thought you needed to hear it. How did it feel to see your first wolf?" he asked, changing the subject. That was one advantage to having a conversation with someone who could tell how you felt, it never got too awkward unless it was necessary.

"You mean Jake?" I asked, my voice came out quieter than I'd intended it to and Jasper nodded. "He stank. He was hot, like temperature wise." I said, Jasper raised an eyebrow at me, he knew I understood what he meant. "Well, it was terrible." I admitted. "He said I had to go, that he'd kill me..." I trailed off, I wanted to cry but I couldn't, it wasn't physically possible which I suppose was a good thing. "He's not the same. He wanted to kill me. He called me a monster." I was whispering now.

A cool hand was on my arm for a second. "I know this is hard but Alec can't know." He told me. "We have a truce with them and if the Volturi found out about them, well, it would be void. They'd slaughter them and I can guess that you don't want that to happen to Jacob, no matter what he's done." He was right, I wasn't happy about it but it was right even though Jake wanted me dead, he was still my best friend.

"Couldn't the Volturi make a truce with them too?" I said, I didn't want to hide anything from Alec, he'd sense it. It would also mean I could tell Felix when I got back and he would definitely notice. The look Jasper gave me told me the answer. No. "Okay." I said and that was all that needed to be said, Jasper wasn't one for speaking unless it was necessary so when he started to back away toward the house I let him go. We didn't bother with goodbye, that would felt too final. I suddenly felt a lot closer to Jasper than I ever had before as somehow we were now friends, not in a I'd call him up to chat kind of way but he'd be there if it mattered and that's what I was thinking about as I headed back to the Cullens. That's what I was thinking about when I saw someone I had never even considered, one of the Cullen's being punished.

Edward was laid in front of the house, one arm, one leg (from the knee down), and two fingers were piled beside him. His family had gathered at the entrance to the house, Esme looked about ready to have a mental breakdown but she stood there and didn't make a move to help. Her and Emmett were the most likely to do so, or at least that's what I thought but neither of them moved a muscle.

I heard a shriek then and the smell of human blood filed my nostrils. "Jessica." I breathed and now was when the Cullen's moved. Carlisle grabbed Jessica before she made it over to Edward and Emmett grabbed me, I hadn't realised I'd moved but I was leant forward, ready to launch myself at her.

"Come on, Bells." Emmett said, yanking me backward and I went limp, I wasn't a killer, I wasn't. It seemed like I was forcing a lot of things upon myself lately. I wasn't a killer. I wasn't a monster. I'd done the right thing. I hadn't deserved all this. But was any of that true? How could it be true when the only way I could believe it was by repeating it over and over?

Alec was beside me now, I don't know if he had been the one to rip Edward apart but I had feeling he'd helped. "It's time to go back to Volterra." He told me, "Caius doesn't want you here anymore." So that was it, that was why I was here. Caius. He'd wanted me to see Edward suffer; he wanted me to know I couldn't have my old life back. Maybe, he thought that then I'd be his wife.

Emmett handed me to Alec, he stroked my hair softly. "Take care of yourself." He smiled, "Try not to kill anyone." Those were the last words any of the Cullens said to me before Alec placed me back in the rental car and drove toward the hotel. Or at least that's where I thought we were going.

"I know this is the wrong time." Alec said half a smile on his face. "But I planned this earlier and I'd hate for it to go to waste." I'd like to say his excitement was infectious but it wasn't. I stared out the window and didn't say a word, I really did like Alec and everything but right now I couldn't see anything he had planned pulling me out of the darkness of my thoughts.

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><p><em>We have come too far, we have sacrificed too much, to disdain the future now.<em>

_John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963)_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Even though Alec tried repeatedly to get me to talk on the drive to the airport I didn't utter a word, I had nothing to say to him, my thoughts revolved around Edward once more. What would happen now, would they burn him? Was the torture of being ripped apart enough? Would they leave the Cullens to put him back together or would they bring the pieces of him back to Volterra? I hoped for my own sake more than anything it wasn't the last one.

"Isabella." Alec's voice floated through my mind, interrupting my thoughts for what felt like the hundredth time. "I know you're upset about what happened but you couldn't have done anything, he's not dead. He was just punished. Edward knew the price of breaking the rules." His hand wrapped around mine, he laced our fingers together, it was a comforting gesture.

A sigh escaped my lips as I looked up from our entwined hands and into his eyes, and a shiver ran down my spine, they were bright red telling me he'd fed recently and the only way that was possible was if he had fed in Forks. As if reading my mind he started speaking again.

"There was a tourist in town, they were traveling alone and as far as I could tell they had no one to miss them." He told me, in his own way he was trying to make it more acceptable. I knew he wasn't doing this for himself, he was doing this to try and earn my approval and in some ways it did. I liked that he was willing to try and change things for me and I couldn't expect him to change his whole lifestyle but I just wished he would feel bad about it. If I saw him feeling bad about killing people then it would give me a sense he was more human, I needed to see he had some kind of moral conscience. Once again he interrupted my train of thought. "I am trying Bella, I'm part of the Volturi hunting animals would make me weak and I can't be weak, too many people want to kill me." He told me, and I could see the pain in his eyes, I'd never thought of it that way.

"Okay." I said, quietly. I wasn't saying that I was okay with him feeding off humans; I was saying that I'd cope with it because it was the better alternative to someone trying to kill him. "But the Ed-.. the thing with the Cullens, he's not coming back to Volterra with us, is he?"

A shake of the head was my answer and I smiled slightly, relieved. "Thank God, I was so worried." I admitted, I felt a little better now. I wouldn't say I was happy again, I'd still seen Edward in pieces and nearly been attacked by my best friend but I was a hell of a lot better now I knew I wouldn't have to see Edward again, at least for a while.

"Does this mean you'll let me show you your surprise?" Alec asked, he was smiling at me, the expression on his face was a hopeful one and a tiny bit of excitement buzzed through me.

"It's a good surprise right?" I checked, I mean I know the chances of a bad surprise were low but I thought I should check, at least it made him chuckle.

He was grinning now, "Yes, it's a good surprise." He insisted. "I know going on a typical date with you is out of the question because we don't eat so I thought after your surprise we could head out to a little place I know. It's only small and I think you'll like it." He said.

I nodded, "I think I'd appreciate it then." I probably would have agreed to anything that kept me away from Caius longer though or anything that kept me in Alec's company when he was in such an infectiously happy mood like this.

Happily, Alec practically bounced out of the car and appeared round my side. Before I could get out he'd undone my seatbelt, lifted me into his arms and started to carry me toward a plane, the same plane that had brought us here. "You can go in first." He told me placing me down at the bottom of the steps. I gave him a quizzical look. "Trust me." And since I did, I walked up the steps leaving him to walk back to the car.

I'd just stepped inside when a set of arms embrace me, I froze ready to attack when I realised who it was. Felix. The grin that spread across my face was one of surprise and joy, oh how it felt good to have him here. He pulled away before I had a chance to hug him back though. "You've fed." Were the first words we said, which were followed up by, "And you've got lover boy twisted around your little finger, you my dear have been making a lot of progress." And now I remembered why I thought Felix was an idiot. "Aww, come on Bells!" Felix's grin was still firmly in place as he lifted me and placed me down in one of the seats without giving me any chance to protest. I couldn't help but smile as he sat opposite me though, he was exactly what I need right now someone fun. "Much better, now say something before I come to the conclusion you've become a mute."

"Well, if you ever let me get a word in…" I smiled, and he interrupted me.

"I let you speak!" He objected, "When you have something important to say. But you didn't." He informed me and I rolled my eyes, muttering the one word that would forever describe him. "Idiot."

Felix was lounging across a row of seats now, his head propped up on his arm. "Now back to the subject at hand, you and lover boy. He seems to be taking to his title rather well, don't you think? Of course, if it were me I'd have wooed you long before now." He said, sounding rather cocky.

"Wooed?" I repeated, stifling a grin. The thought of Felix wooing anyone was beyond me. "You could woo someone? I'd pay good money to see that."

"Please, you love me too much to see me woo someone." He said as if it were a fact. "Besides you're changing the subject again."

"What do you want me to say Felix?" I asked, because I honestly didn't know. I was happy enough just laughing for the first time in what felt like forever which in reality was probably only a couple of days.

"I want you to admit to me that you love him. That when you're around him birds sing and all that sappy crap, that's what I want, you to say because you damn well know it's true." He answered me, he was looking pretty smug and I was worried to find out why but there was only one way to deal with Felix when he was like this and that was honesty.

"Okay, I may just be falling for him but-" He interrupted me, which wasn't surprising he definitely liked the sound of his own voice.

"And the audience applauds!" He exclaimed, jumping up into the air his arms making a rather large and unnecessary gesture. "Enter lover boy from stage left!" Please tell me that didn't mean Alec was behind us, I was not going to tell him that yet. Glancing over my shoulder I feared the worst but no one was there and when I turned back Felix was in a fit of laughter. "You don't really think I'm that much of an ass? You looked mortified!"

I pursed my lips, I would not laugh. I wouldn't. But the more I told myself not to the more I wanted to and soon we were both giggling on the floor like idiots, Felix definitely brought out the childish side of me. "You shouldn't have done that!" I said, finally smacking his arm just hard enough to put my point across.

"Well, maybe you should just tell him. He's pretty insecure." I raised an eyebrow at him. "Okay. He's not but it would move things along and then I wouldn't have to play middle man!" he said, making me laugh again as he pouted. Pouting did not suit fully grown men, not at all.

"Sure, I'll tell him at some point. I'll tell him the day you have a date with a girl who isn't a bitch." When he started to interrupt I held up a hand to stop him, "And no you haven't before. From the two girls I've seen you date so far they were horrid and from what I've heard it's a trend." He was pouting again. "When I approve of her, I'll tell him."

A smirk was replacing the pout now. "Are you willing to make that a binding agreement?" I rolled my eyes but nodded.

"Sure." He grasped my hand and shook it.

"The deal is done!" He declared, dramatically and I giggled. The chances of this ever happening were minimal, I had nothing to fear. I was sure of it.

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><p><em>Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.<em>

_Jane Austen (1775 - 1817)_

**Author note: Wow, what's happened to me this new year? Suddenly I have two chapter up in the same week?! This can only be a good start.**


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